The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

First topic message reminder :

That was the 990 post...

Is it a fitting replacement for a pubic triangle?

That reminded me of this local one...

http://environ-mental-guy.tumblr.com/post/30987771989

God I hate Cape Town.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:  

Spoiler:

Wouldn't get too excited, Tino.  The DM recently featured an article about a stand-off between a huge group of hippos and a huge group of crocodiles with the crocs eventually killing one of the hippos.  I think even kids who believe in the Easter bunny knew immediately that it was b0ll0cks.

I am not excited.

It has clearly been doctored anyway. The centipede in the main picture (1st one) has obviously been pulled a bit further out for dramatic effect. Unless, of course, they pushed it back in for the second picture, but why on earth would they do that?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:Won't shut up about the Beatles, it's funny because it's true.

It really is true.

Not quite.  Every once in a while the shut up about the Beatles for just long enough to complain that people don't feel sufficiently sorry for them about Hillsborough.

Shame.

Thanks, they error has now been amended.

There is a stand up called Brandon Burns. Towards the end of one of his shows he spends about ten minutes slagging off Liverpool and its residents. Is very angry and painfully accurate. Worth looking up for on youtube for anyone who dislikes the place.

That has to be intentional

I hate the scouse accent and I reckon other than Scotland it would be my least preferred place to live in the uk

seanmichaels wrote:I hate the scouse accent and I reckon other than Scotland it would  be my least preferred place to live in the uk

  

Let's hope you and I never meet. I have a slightly posher sounding scouse accent with some random Scottish in there that I have picked up from my arl man.

I dont hate the scouse accent or Scottish excessively, however I also hope I never meet you Tina.

 

I'd quite like to meet you, Tino, but I'm a bit of a social outcast and would probably p1ss my trousers and start crying.

Galted wrote:I'd quite like to meet you, Tino, but I'm a bit of a social outcast and would probably p1ss my trousers and start crying.

Thanks Galted. I am a little socially awkward myself so we would probably just stare at each other for a few seconds and then run off in different directions.

Jeff can be very cruel sometimes.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:I'd quite like to meet you, Tino, but I'm a bit of a social outcast and would probably p1ss my trousers and start crying.

Thanks Galted.  I am a little socially awkward myself so we would probably just stare at each other for a few seconds and then run off in different directions.

Jeff can be very cruel sometimes.

Jeff is very cruel.

When I was at nursery school my grandparents discovered that friends of theirs had a grandkid at the same school so they brought him round unannounced.  I thought I was seeing things when he appeared at the door and did the only thing I could, make a run for it.  He was far quicker than me and had caught up to me in seconds so I was forced to spend the day playing with him (in a non sexually experimental way of course).  We ended up being friends for a while despite the fact we had the same first name and both shat it when only one of us was being bollocked,

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:I'd quite like to meet you, Tino, but I'm a bit of a social outcast and would probably p1ss my trousers and start crying.

Thanks Galted.  I am a little socially awkward myself so we would probably just stare at each other for a few seconds and then run off in different directions.

Jeff can be very cruel sometimes.

Jeff is very cruel.

When I was at nursery school my grandparents discovered that friends of theirs had a grandkid at the same school so they brought him round unannounced.  I thought I was seeing things when he appeared at the door and did the only thing I could, make a run for it.  He was far quicker than me and had caught up to me in seconds so I was forced to spend the day playing with him (in a non sexually experimental way of course).  We ended up being friends for a while despite the fact we had the same first name and both shat it when only one of us was being bollocked,

That is a rather amusing, yet somewhat sad anecdote. I wonder if he ever thinks of you.

Is there some more to the story though as you have ended it with a comma rather than a full-stop?

No. That's the end of the story, nothing at all to follow...

Harissa, lemon and Turkey slider with salad... Bit greasy but palatable.

Tried a large chicken burrito from Wrap-It-Up (aubergines instead of salsa). Was quite nice, might have another sometime.

Not had a Burrito for a while, there is a Bar Burrito in Leeds but that's about it, need to indulge next time I am in the big smoke.

rick_dagless wrote:Not had a Burrito for a while, there is a Bar Burrito in Leeds but that's about it, need to indulge next time I am in the big smoke.

I had one about 3 years ago in Cambridge. I can't remember how good it was but I have no particularly bad memories of it so it must have been ok.

I had swan stuffed with truffles and served on the thighs of a naked virgin girl from Cuba.

The canteen really is improving these days.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

I had swan stuffed with truffles and served on the thighs of a naked virgin girl from Cuba.

The canteen really is improving these days.

Would have been more believable if you'd said unicorn stuffed with mermaids' nipples.

Tino wrote:The canteen really is improving these days.

Subsidsed of course, using the tears of commoners as currency...

rick_dagless wrote:

Tino wrote:The canteen really is improving these days.

Subsidsed of course, using the tears of commoners as currency...

Of course. It's not my fault that the poor are so stupid.

Cheese and coleslaw brown baguette with a handful of (I think) assorted flavour crisps. Brown baguette was terrific. Excellent texture. Bit pricey at £2.38 even with the free handful of crisps.

seanmichaels wrote:Cheese and coleslaw brown baguette with a handful of (I think) assorted flavour crisps. Brown baguette was terrific. Excellent texture. Bit pricey at £2.38 even with the free handful of crisps.

Where did you get the crisps from? Was someone in Waitrose just handing them out?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:

Tino wrote:The canteen really is improving these days.

Subsidsed of course, using the tears of commoners as currency...

Of course.  It's not my fault that the poor are so stupid.

Has top hat hacked your account?

Tino wrote:Of course. It's not my fault that the poor are so stupid.

Fair poinr tino...

Tino wrote:Where did you get the crisps from?

I think sean meant pocketfull of crisps that he snuck out...

I am not sure there is a company in the FTSE that could subsidise Toppy...

I ate an entire 225g bag of cheese Doritos on the ferry to Dublin. Cost just £1.20 from Sainsburys. There were 3 little boys watching me and I didn't give them any despite the fact I was close to vomiting about a third of the way through. Idiots.

Galted wrote:here were 3 little boys watching me and I didn't give them any despite the fact I was close to vomiting about a third of the way through. Idiots.

Why, when you got bored of them, did you not walk towards them with the open bag, and then carry on past and empty the contents in to the bin?

rick_dagless wrote:

Galted wrote:here were 3 little boys watching me and I didn't give them any despite the fact I was close to vomiting about a third of the way through. Idiots.

Why, when you got bored of them, did you not walk towards them with the open bag, and then carry on past and empty the contents in to the bin?

The poor are renowned for their scavenging abilities.

Galted wrote:The poor are renowned for their scavenging abilities.

great fun to watch though

Pubes

Had chicken & mushroom pizza, blueberry ice-cream, and half a litre of milk for lunch. I feel like taking a nap now....

kingraf wrote:Had chicken & mushroom pizza,  blueberry ice-cream, and half a litre of milk for lunch. I feel like taking a nap now....

What type of media group do you work for that you don't spend the afternoon in the pub?

I could give a convoluted response, but tbh - I work in the sports department, and as a result, am paid nearly £2k a month to produce one 30-second insert every day. If you watch ANN7 today, you'll realise the Moyes insert sounds very similar to the comments made on the Moyes thread. I can't for the life of me figure why.

Also,
pubs

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Cheese and coleslaw brown baguette with a handful of (I think) assorted flavour crisps. Brown baguette was terrific. Excellent texture. Bit pricey at £2.38 even with the free handful of crisps.

Where did you get the crisps from?  Was someone in Waitrose just handing them out?

It was from the canteen. They give out free crisps with sandwiches, roll, baguettes or paninis. They are usually stale and a mixture of cheese and onion and ready salted.

a bit like my women....

seanmichaels wrote:a bit like my women....

You can come round to our canteen if you like? Failing that, you can come round my house for a good feed. I hate to think of you wasting away with a terrible diet of alcohol and baguettes.

I was going to invite Galted around as well but I get the impression he doesn't like children and I can't guarantee that mine will behave themselves.

It's only if they're poor and/or ginger that I don't like them.

Galted wrote:It's only if they're poor and/or ginger that I don't like them.

None of them work, so they are all poor.

No gingers though.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:It's only if they're poor and/or ginger that I don't like them.

None of them work, so they are all poor.

No gingers though.

That's a start. Are they fairly well fed? If they're likely to stare at me and drool whilst I eat I may be forced to kick them in the face like I recently had to do with 3 little boys on the ferry to Dublin. Caused a bit of tutting amongst the other passengers I can tell you.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:It's only if they're poor and/or ginger that I don't like them.

None of them work, so they are all poor.

No gingers though.

That's a start.  Are they fairly well fed?  If they're likely to stare at me and drool whilst I eat I may be forced to kick them in the face like I recently had to do with 3 little boys on the ferry to Dublin.  Caused a bit of tutting amongst the other passengers I can tell you.

They won't stare. Well one of them might, but he is a bit of a mong and gets confused by new things. If he asks to put his hands in your pockets and/or to try on your shoes, just walk away slowly and whatever you do, don't make any sudden movements.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:It's only if they're poor and/or ginger that I don't like them.

None of them work, so they are all poor.

No gingers though.

That's a start.  Are they fairly well fed?  If they're likely to stare at me and drool whilst I eat I may be forced to kick them in the face like I recently had to do with 3 little boys on the ferry to Dublin.  Caused a bit of tutting amongst the other passengers I can tell you.

They won't stare.  Well one of them might, but he is a bit of a mong and gets confused by new things.  If he asks to put his hands in your pockets and/or to try on your shoes, just walk away slowly and whatever you do, don't make any sudden movements.

Could I borrow one of the smaller kids for a weekend? I may have set my sights a bit high with the attack-cat training by using adults as targets.

Cats are useless. Tino's feral kids would absolutely duff your cat up

kingraf wrote:Cats are useless. Tino's feral kids would absolutely duff your cat up

Agree that the bigger Windows would be too much for her to handle.  The smaller ones, as a pack, would also be too much but I think that she'd be more than a match in a one on one.  As I've documented on here before she did cause me extensive facial bleeding with a particularly vicious left-right combination after we'd had a lengthy staring contest.

Your cat would almost certainly leave Tina a bloodied, shriveled mess. His offspring are another matter altogether. Long since surpassed him... I'd check the milkman. Or Daniel Craig.

kingraf wrote:Your cat would almost certainly leave Tina a bloodied, shriveled mess. His offspring are another matter altogether. Long since surpassed him... I'd check the milkman. Or Daniel Craig.

You're starting to scare me, kingraf.  Julius disappears as does Shah and you seem to imitate them effortlessly (far less angrily in the case of Shah).  Either you've imprisoned them or you're an alien that's destroyed them and taken over their characteristics (a bit too perfectly).  If it's the latter case I think that michaels might be a bridge too far for you.

Nothing to worry about, Galted, I'm simply trying to pick up the slack. Tough work, imitating others writing styles, but absolutely necessary for the smooth flow of the Culture Cup. I can't wait for Geoffrey to go missing, been practising my ability to mention my loathing of Jeans 'n Jackets at the slightest provocation.

Bright eyed and bushy-tailed. Hit the gym, had steak, chips and eggs for breakfast, and today is a split day. Plus I beat Galted again. Feeling good, feeling imperious.

Rubbish on here today.

Pubes