RWC 2015 - The Joke Thread

[No9]

First topic message reminder :

How about some RWC humour...

In the great tradition of Rugby Club banter, how about some RWC jokes.

Only rule is, please no out right racist jokes. By this I mean jokes that laugh AT another minority instead of laughing with them.

This thread is supposed to bring some humour back and not attack others..

If you feel it will offend, then please leave now...

[LondonTiger]

A 5.6 billion person advantage helps out in the Olympics.  

SA still should have more gold medals though. Australia are carrying the SH lion's share in that department. Lift your game!

Australia are, that is true. Almost as many as Yorkshire at the last olympics

[whocares]

Haha fair enough .also each country focus on sports differently. While rugby is made for the kiwis and football for the brazilians I doubt that even by putting loads of ressources in it, the chinese would become competitive in those sports.

[kingraf]

Hopefully the next Olympics sees us win like 10 medals or something. Could happen. Chad Le Clos should win us 2-4, if he keeps his form. Cameron vd Burgh could win one or two. The Sevens side should win one. Wayde van Niekerk is a world champion. We've got a few sprinters worth a damn now, so I'd think one medal between them isn't asking a lot, but ja our contribution to the SH medal cause hasn't been particularly impressive, doesn't help when GB spends like ten times per medal than we do. If their finances are a table, ours is a toothpick

[Pal Joey]

A 5.6 billion person advantage helps out in the Olympics.  

SA still should have more gold medals though. Australia are carrying the SH lion's share in that department. Lift your game!

Australia are, that is true. Almost as many as Yorkshire at the last olympics

Yes, we tapered off in 2012... badly! We'll be lucky to get 8 in Rio. 6 is my guess. Or about half of what Yorkshire will get.

[kingraf]

To be fair, The North does beat us in the important things. The arts. Economics. Manufacturing. Terrorism.

[Pal Joey]

To be fair, The North does beat us in the important things. The arts. Economics. Manufacturing. Terrorism.

Deep sea cod fishing. Darts. Overcrowding.

[RubyGuby]

To be fair, The North does beat us in the important things. The arts. Economics. Manufacturing. Terrorism.

Deep sea cod fishing. Darts. Overcrowding.

And Bog Snorkling, don't forget the Bog Snorkling

[Biltong]

A 5.6 billion person advantage helps out in the Olympics.  

SA still should have more gold medals though. Australia are carrying the SH lion's share in that department. Lift your game!

I am going to turn these stats into a joke.

South African olympic team.

[doctor_grey]

Just come accross this.. its contagious..



https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=KHOu2JhvM90&app=desktop

That was truly funny.

[Biltong]

Very funny indeed Doc.

[TightHEAD]

The Englishman wasn't on his own in the bar for long!

[RuggerRadge2611]

The Englishman wasn't on his own in the bar for long!

Your round!

[21st Century Schizoid Man]

Craig Joubert

[TightHEAD]

The Englishman wasn't on his own in the bar for long!

Your round!

XXXX ok?

[RuggerRadge2611]

The Englishman wasn't on his own in the bar for long!

Your round!

XXXX ok?

Dealers choice.

[GLove39]

Who knew this forum had a Craig Joubert emoticon!?

[SecretFly]

So finally an Englishman, Irishman, Welshman and Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman looks at them and sneers.  The Welshman catches it and doesn't like it.  "We drink here every night and still the cheap f**king sneer.  I'll go over there, rip your scalp off your head and shove it up your......"
The Scotsman stalls the Welshman with a calm hand on his shoulder.  "I'll look after this."  He walks right up to the barman and pulls on the barman's collar:  "Just get the f**king drinks lined up and take that silly f**king grin off your lips or I'll make a mosaic out of your crushed skull pieces".
The Englishman walks up and pulls the Scotsman away.  But he then catches the barman's shirt by the collar and with one quick and sharp tug, pulls the entire shirt off him.  He takes out a pen from his pocket and proceeds to draw a number of concentric circles on the barman's bare chest:  "We'll use this shirt to wipe the table with, and when we get bored we might use your blubber chest to play darts on, schidtface!"
The Irishman takes a bottle from one of the tables and fires it through one of the windows:  "That's for air-conditioning.  Your scent needs a shirt, f**ker. Just get the drinks."

The four boys then go off and find a table to sit at, occasional grumbling and whining coming from their table.  Finally the Englishman whispers to the Irishman:  "I thought..... you know, that..............., you know, that you were going to let the Welsh lad think he's won?  I told that barman basterde that a few days ago."
"I did tell him and he does think he's won."
"Well why does he look so miserable, and why has he such a short fuse with the barman skunkass?"
"He's feeling sorry for the rest of us and told me not to tell yous yet."

The Welshman frowns over at the barman: "Get me a round of drinks over here quick!", he growled, "and put in on my tab."

The Irishman winks.

[George Carlin]

Q. What does Mark McGwire and the supporter who threw a bottle at Craig Joubert have in common?

A. They both just love to hit homers.

[Biltong]

https://www.google.com/url?q=https%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2Flambertusc%2Fstatus%2F655995977283870720&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGLWOl4BHrHADM4FBUNIbMoAG5wEg

[LondonTiger]

As part of the World Rugby education program, Craig Joubert is visiting a school in Hawick.

He is discussing with the kids how sport can help people deal with tragedy and asks if any of the children can give an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers that if his best friend who lives next door was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him that would be a tragedy.

"No", Joubert says, "that would be an ACCIDENT"

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved..... that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Joubert. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent, none of the children volunteer.

"What?" asks Joubert, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally a boy in Scottish rugby top raises his hand.  In a timid voice, he says :
"If an airplane carrying Craig Joubert was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."

Joubert beams.  "Marvellous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy "because it wouldn't be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

[Biltong]

Hahaha

[R!skysports]

No bottles should ever be thrown, but maybe someone felt that Joubert had lost his and was just returning it?

[No9]

The Englishman wasn't on his own in the bar for long!

And the Scotsman turns up last, after the rounds been bought

[Cardiff Dave]

The NH walks into a bar.
Same again boys?

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