The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

by kingraf Thu 01 May 2014, 9:58 am

First topic message reminder :

You say tomato, I say Tamara Ecclestone (who michaels has almost certainly probably had a slice of)

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 1:59 pm

I'm not far off breaking into the all-time top 100. A few more pointless posts like this and I'll be in there.

by **superflyweight** Thu 01 May 2014, 2:01 pm

Union Cane wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:You're not supposed to chew Mini-eggs (or Smarties)

Perhaps if you are a snake, but I am a person.

That blows my malfunctioning ZX Spectrum theory out of the water.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 01 May 2014, 2:06 pm

super wrote:That blows my malfunctioning ZX Spectrum theory out of the water.

not really, if the ZX has generated AI it will be unaware of its false sentience

by **seanmichaels** Thu 01 May 2014, 2:16 pm

Galted wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:The best day of my life was when I caught a fish whilst drinking 24 bottles of VB

My previous best was probably the one when I saw someone from the bank get run over by a motorcyclist while I was having a fag. Happened a few feet in front of me and I burst out laughing almost immediately. The person who got hit looked like a right tw*t so there was no need to feel guilty.

In Amsterdam a old cyclist in a suit and flat cap brushed passed a friend. The old chap was unbalanced and went down in slow motion over a distance of about 20 yards taking out a few pedestrians on the way. It was probably due to a mixture of lager and Amsterdam's finest but I don't think I have ever LOL'd as much in my life. Obviously tinged with guilt in hindsight but it was a true slapstick moment.

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 2:29 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:The best day of my life was when I caught a fish whilst drinking 24 bottles of VB

My previous best was probably the one when I saw someone from the bank get run over by a motorcyclist while I was having a fag. Happened a few feet in front of me and I burst out laughing almost immediately. The person who got hit looked like a right tw*t so there was no need to feel guilty.

In Amsterdam a old cyclist in a suit and flat cap brushed passed a friend. The old chap was unbalanced and went down in slow motion over a distance of about 20 yards taking out a few pedestrians on the way. It was probably due to a mixture of lager and Amsterdam's finest but I don't think I have ever LOL'd as much in my life. Obviously tinged with guilt in hindsight but it was a true slapstick moment.

Saw a motorcyclist go down in similar fashion when he clipped my mate's car doing an overtaking manouevre. Luckily he wasn't too badly injured as we were both laughing when we reached him.

Was cycling home from school with my mates when I was about 13 when we heard a bellow from behind us. Was the fat kid from the class who rode one of those sturdy black delivery-type bicycles, he was tearing along at a rate of knots shouting for us to get the f*ck out of the way. No-one moved and he had to duck under a road sign to get past but his backpack got caught on the sign and he got dumped on his arse. Was made even funnier by the fact that his bike kept on going on its own for ages.

by **superflyweight** Thu 01 May 2014, 2:35 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:The best day of my life was when I caught a fish whilst drinking 24 bottles of VB

My previous best was probably the one when I saw someone from the bank get run over by a motorcyclist while I was having a fag. Happened a few feet in front of me and I burst out laughing almost immediately. The person who got hit looked like a right tw*t so there was no need to feel guilty.

In Amsterdam a old cyclist in a suit and flat cap brushed passed a friend. The old chap was unbalanced and went down in slow motion over a distance of about 20 yards taking out a few pedestrians on the way. It was probably due to a mixture of lager and Amsterdam's finest but I don't think I have ever LOL'd as much in my life. Obviously tinged with guilt in hindsight but it was a true slapstick moment.

Was in Dublin with my mates during the inclement summer of of 2002. We were walking through the Temple Bar area when a young lady (probably early 20's and as Finchy would put it, Ferrari chassis and legs up to her @rse) up ahead of us spotted some friends and ran across the road to speak to them. Unfortunately she was wearing a pair heels which were not suitable for running across a cobbled street and she caught a heel before starting a slow, but increasingly frantic descent into one of the biggest and deepest puddles I've ever seen. The fact that she was wearing a white dress and also that she reacted by sobbing her heart out, made it the funniest piece of slapstick I've ever seen.

I was still laughing when our Ryanair flight hit the runway in Edinburgh 2 days later.

by Rowley Thu 01 May 2014, 2:40 pm

superflyweight wrote:
I was still laughing when our Ryanair flight hit the runway in Edinburgh 2 days later.

Did you book their Manchester flight?

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:00 pm

Rowley wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
I was still laughing when our Ryanair flight hit the runway in Edinburgh 2 days later.

Did you book their Manchester flight?

Well I thought that it was funny.

by Rowley Thu 01 May 2014, 3:06 pm

Cheers Galted. Tina probably did but he would never admit it, just because I said it.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:11 pm

I thought it was alright.

Would you ban me if I talked about illegal internet streams? You wouldn't would you?

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:14 pm

Rubbish OP.

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:15 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Rubbish OP.

Jeff needs to edit it pronto.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:17 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Rubbish OP.

Jeff needs to edit it pronto.

He won't. He is a big girls blouse.

by **Union Cane** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:20 pm

I would if I could but I can't.

by **superflyweight** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:22 pm

I could if I would but I shan't.

This is like Dr Seuss.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:24 pm

Dr Seuss has a moose on a noose.

by **Union Cane** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:25 pm

Holy moly, here comes Rowley!

by **Pal Joey** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:25 pm

I can edit it to: "You say tomato, I say tommohawk" if you like?

I have ever increasing powers you know...

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:27 pm

Union Cane, there's no gain to his pain.

by **Pal Joey** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:27 pm

ooops...

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:28 pm

That fat tw@t shat that flat splat.

by **Union Cane** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:30 pm

His favourite flooring is lino, he's a bit of a wino, it's Mind the windows Tino.!

by **Pal Joey** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:31 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Rubbish OP.

Jeff needs to edit it pronto.

Happy now? tomato

by Rowley Thu 01 May 2014, 3:34 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I thought it was alright.

Would you ban me if I talked about illegal internet streams? You wouldn't would you?

I'd really prefer you not to, in the interests of consistency I would probably have to, but since I quite like you would prefer not to. However as you are not a functioning moron, I am fairly confident you have understood our stance on the issue without the need for it explaining in increasingly more irritated and exasperated tones by me.

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:36 pm

he often
quotes rap
his opening post was crap

kingraf!
kingraf!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:37 pm

He quite
likes me
He sometimes smells of wee

Rowley!
Rowley!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:40 pm

He's turned
the corner
He w*nked off David Warner

Linebreaker!
Linebreaker!

by **Pal Joey** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:44 pm

He fizzles
He sparks
He reprimands baby squirrels in parks

JuliusHMarx!
JuliusHMarx!

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:47 pm

Linebreaker wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Rubbish OP.

Jeff needs to edit it pronto.

Happy now?

I said 'Jeff'
Are you deaf?
Send him off ref.

Linebreaker
Linebreaker.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:49 pm

He flops
He flips
His missus has new hips

Michaels!
Michaels!

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:50 pm

he's hostile
he's tubby

bugs give him a chubby

Tino!
Tino!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:52 pm

He minces
with q*eers

He dresses like Ray Mears

Galted!
Galted!

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:53 pm

He know long words
He says "encumbrance"
But he's ashamed of his circumference

Galted!
Galted!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 3:54 pm

He's never
had sex

Because he wears Hi-Tecs

Galted!
Galted!

by **Union Cane** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:54 pm

Just realised where I first came across this style of prose...

He's French
He's sh*t
He's never on the pitch

Cantona!
Cantona!

It was when he was serving his kung fu kick ban in 1995.

I believe it is known as a dactylic pentameter, although I may be mistaken.

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 3:55 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:He minces
with q*eers

He dresses like Ray Mears

Galted!
Galted!

F*ck you, Tino.

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 4:01 pm

he kills
a thread
he's always off his head

michaels!
michaels!

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 4:01 pm

he drools
and foams

when he visits old age homes

Tino!
Tino!

by **Pal Joey** Thu 01 May 2014, 4:02 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
GloriousEmpire wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
NooshaFox wrote:Rubbish OP.

cardiffstu needs to edit it pronto.

Happy now?

I said 'Jeff'
Are you deaf?
Send him off ref.

HERSH
HERSH.

That was
The last straw
Said a young Martin Shaw

After You......
No, After You!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 4:07 pm

His girlfriends
from the Eastern Bloc

She's had a lot of c*ck

Galted!
Galted!

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 4:09 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:His girlfriends
from the Eastern Bloc

She's had a lot of c*ck

Galted!
Galted!

you're right!
you swine!

but the c*ck has all been mine

Galted!
Galted!

by **Pal Joey** Thu 01 May 2014, 4:12 pm

She took it
Like a flounder
The 225 pounder

Hero!
Hero!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 4:13 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:His girlfriends
from the Eastern Bloc

She's had a lot of c*ck

Galted!
Galted!

you're right!
you swine!

but the c*ck has all been mine

Galted!
Galted!

She told me
with a drawl

That your c*ck is very small

Galted!
Galted!

by **Union Cane** Thu 01 May 2014, 4:14 pm

Galted's rage
He stokes

With cruel willy jokes

Tino!
Tino!

by **Galted** Thu 01 May 2014, 4:15 pm

he's dapper
he's canny

he'd love to shag your granny

Tino!
Tino!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 4:17 pm

He loves
his mum

He takes it up the bum

Galted!
Galted!

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 01 May 2014, 4:17 pm

He p1sses
Me off
Through his complete lack of use of the apostrophe in practically every post he writes.

Tino!
Tino!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 4:21 pm

Who gives
a f*ck

Julius, you suck

Apostrophe!
Apostrophe!

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 01 May 2014, 4:23 pm

He has ideas
Above his station
He brings great shame upon the nation

Mind!
The!
Windows!
Tino!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 01 May 2014, 4:25 pm

He goes cottaging
in parks

He's JuliusHMarx

Julius!
Julius!

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