Films that fail trade descriptions

First topic message reminder :

Due to Hammersmith's disappointment with the film American Sniper because he wasn't sniperrish enough (snipperish isn't a word but go with it) I thought a thread in which other films fail to deliver on what the title is and perhaps a more accurate title could be? Or what strap lines could be used if the film was actually about it's title?

Jaws: The greatest mandible bone reconstructive surgery story ever told
Gone with the Wind: A family's struggle to deal with the loss of their home due to a hurricane
Silence of the Lambs: A mute sheep's brave journey to regain its voice

Das Boot - it was a submarine.

superflyweight wrote:Das Boot - it was a submarine.  

Thats my favourite film.

City of God is full of it as well, looks like a right dump.

The 400 Blows

Jungle Book.

It wasn't a book, it was a f*cking film. Why call something a book if it's a film? Walt Disney is a w*nker.

Marley and Me...no reggae or ganja...just silly c*nts weeping over a dead dog

Mary Poppins

She doesn't just 'pop in' though does she? She's always there. Stalkerish b*tch.

IRONMAN...not a single Ozzy song to be heard

The Neverending Story. It ended.
The Neverending Story II. It ended again.
The Neverending Story III. It ended once more.

To my disappointment, Harry Potter was not a stoner film.
Raging Bull was not a moving documentary on the life of bulls in bull fighting.

The Karate Kid

A character played by a 22 year old actor doesn't quite equate to being a "kid" in my book

Candyman- He wasn't giving out candy.

I know what you did last Summer - it never mentioned me once.

Desperado - Did not see one friggin bottle of this stuff in the entire movie:

Pulp Fiction - not a story about Jarvis Cocker

Debbie does Dallas - I don't think she properly explored the city at all...

rick_dagless wrote:Debbie does Dallas - I don't think she properly explored the city at all...

Nor did she "do" ex Scottish football referee, Hugh Dallas.

superflyweight wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:Debbie does Dallas - I don't think she properly explored the city at all...

Nor did she "do" ex Scottish football referee, Hugh Dallas.  

Would you?

plenty of nooks and crannies were explored

If the money was right and they promised that the film would be tastefully shot.

Sean knows all about taste and shots from his schooldays

super wrote:Nor did she "do" ex Scottish football referee, Hugh Dallas.

I will go back and double check just in case.

Last of the Mohicans. Did they not see the A-Team?

Bolt

Usain was nowhere to be seen!

Drive. Not a gippo in sight......

seanmichaels wrote:Drive. Not a gippo in sight......

Took me a few seconds to get that one

Ha!

The Poseidon Adventure. What an adventure that was.
Star Wars. Stars don't kill each other. People and weird creatures do.

Hot Rod. Spends the movie either simply riding or doing stunts on an old fashioned pedal moped.

mars attacks- not a chocolate bar in sight!
oldboy- he really wasnt that old
trainspotting- think i must have misjudged train spotters if thats what they get up to

Things to do in Denver when you're dead - thought they may have come up with a few more interesting suggestions than "be still and wait for the relevant authorities to find your corpse"

Skyfall - it stayed where it was.

Minority Report - Not a single crime reported by a Latvian.

Blade Runner - No one running on (or even with) a pair of scissors

Kramer vs Kramer - the kooky neighbor from Seinfeld doesn't appear at all let alone get into an impromptu fight with a relative

Good Will Hunting - He wasn't that good, but it wasn't his fault.
The Last Boy Scout - Where?
Jurassic Park - As a previous poster pointed out, most of the dinosaurs came from the Cretaceous Period.

You, me and Marley - I wasn't in it

Charlie and the Chocolate factory - looks like its made of bricks to me

I'm still debating whether Superman fails trade descriptions.  Perhaps "Supermanoid" is more appropriate.

Commando.

Nothing indicating whether they wore underwear or not

ShahenshahG wrote:Commando.

Nothing indicating whether they wore underwear or not

Bennett had a vest.

I'd not factored in your love and keen study of homoerotica