Random Thoughts.....

This ‘Random Thoughts’ is a special Wrestlemania 28 edition. Henceforth it will be known as the GREATEST ‘RANDOM THOUGHTS’ OF ALL TIMES! Until the Wrestlemania 29 version is rolled out that is.


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John Cena and the Rock are headed for a titanic clash of the......um......titans this Sunday. We’ve had promos from each competitor, we’ve had the Rock saying he needs to beat Cena to be proclaimed the greatest ever (Qué?) and we’ve had him send John a message by Rock Bottoming Mark Henry after Cena had cleanly beaten ‘The World’s Boobiest Man’ (Quoi?). That’s pretty much been the extent of the build-up.

I didn’t get the whole ‘sending a message’ thing. If I was running things in WWE, I’d have had the Rock literally send John Cena a message. After the Rock cut that promo at the Rocky Balboa statue he should have whipped out the People’s mobile and texted Jumpin’ John: “Hi John dis is da rock. I’m gona whoop ur ass @ WM 28. C u there. Wen ur dun reading dis msg take ur fone, shine it up real nice, turn dat sumbitch sideways & stick it str8 up ur candy ass!!! LOL :-) Hugs n kisses, Rocky”.

Once The Rock had hit ‘Send’, Michael Cole could have got all excited; “THE ROCK IS SENDING A MESSAGE TO JOHN CENA! HE’S SENDING A MESSAGE TO CENA! OH MY!” then we’d have to wait 30 seconds for it to go through before Rock turned to the camera “That’s it sent.....so......uh.....something something something know your role & shut your mouth. Blah blah blah boots to asses. Yadda yadda yadda smell what the Rock is cooking. Bye!”

Job done, pay per view sold.


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As for the outcome of the match to determine who’s made the crappier movies (Wait, that’s NOT why they’re fighting?!?) nobody seems too sure what it will be. When the match was made back in 1993 everyone was like “Cena’s turning heel – no doubt”. Now though with the way things have been built up there is genuine intrigue to see what happens.

Will Cena win cleanly and the status quo continue? Will Cena and the Rock shake hands, hug and start massaging each other’s pecs as the world looks on uncomfortably? Will Cena turn heel after the Rock wins? Will Cena turn heel after having a Stone Cold at Wrestlemania 17-esque breakdown? Will Jumpin’ Jeff Farmer go FULL FORCE and whoop them both?

One factor that doesn’t seem to have been considered much is that Wrestlemania 28 is in the Rock’s home town of Miami. And WWE’s track record when it comes to wrestlers in their home towns is shoddy at best.

All I’m saying is don’t be surprised if the Rock is forced to lick Mark Henry’s sweaty back boobs, gets served a helping of Mae Young’s pie, is Pedigreed 37 times by Triple H, is made to give John Cena a Five Knuckle Shuffle (the original kind that is), has to watch every WWE Films production – twice – before finally applying cherry red lipstick and kissing Vince McMahon’s unwashed keister.

Thinking about, this is the most obvious scenario. I can’t believe we never thought of it before!


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The WWE championship is on the line in what’s sure to be a titanic clash between reigning champ CM Punk and the first ever Undisputed champion Chris Jericho. Also at stake are the bragging rights of ‘Best in the World’.

This is many people’s pick for match of the night and the odds are they’ll either have an absolute classic or it’ll be a bit of a letdown – there won’t be any middle ground. I mean Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio were going around before their match at Wrestlemania 21 telling everyone that it would be better than their blinder at Halloween Havoc 97 and it was such a disappointment that you’d forgotten they even had a match at Wrestlemania 21 hadn’t you?

In some ways I hope Punk and Jericho have an absolute stinker so that people will tweet Chris afterwards saying stuff like “Best in the world huh?” and “That was a minus 5 star match” before Y2Jelly goes into absolute meltdown and starts sounding off at everyone, saying they don’t know what they’re talking about, it was a 12 star match, he doesn’t care what they think, they’re all jackasses and he’s going to come to their houses and lock them in the Walls of Jericho - the Lion Tamer version that is!

Chris Jericho going a wee bit Benoit = WIN!


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CM Punk and Stone Cold Steve Austin had a bit of banter on Twitter recently. Punk sent Austin a tweet saying “29, son” and Stone Cold replied with “Just worry about 28. If the stars all line up I always have a big can of Whoop Ass ready to take to NYC” the implication being that they’re going to meet in a titanic clash at Wrestlemania 29.

I’m not sure how they’d go about building this one for Wrestlemania 29, because surely they couldn’t keep Punk as a face for this feud? And there’s no way in hell that Stone Cold will turn heel. Would face Punk versus face Austin work? Probably not but if they were both faces then we could have an awesome beer & Pepsi bash somewhere along the line. Stone Cold would be cracking open Steveweisers (Where the hell do you get Steveweisers anyway? I’ve been looking all over for them and when I asked the people in Tesco’s they looked at me like I was special) and pouring them all over himself and Punk doing the exact same thing with Pepsi.

If that were to happen then Punk should be glad he drinks Pepsi, because when Kurt Angle did his ‘milk bash’ he ended up looking like the star of a bukkake movie.

Wait I think I got that wrong, wasn’t Bukkake a member of Kaientai?


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The Undertaker and Triple H engage in a titanic clash inside the most demonic structure known to man: Linda McMahon’s womb. What’s that? Oh my apologies, it’s Hell in a Cell.

Seeing as having two legends meeting with the Streak on the line in what used to be the ultimate feud ender obviously isn’t enough of a selling point, Shawn Michaels has been drafted in as the special guest referee to keep a squint eye on things.

Speculation is rampant as to what involvement Michaels will have in the match. Will he cost the Undertaker the Streak? Will he deny Triple H becoming ‘the one’ (not Billy Gunn)? Will he be able to keep his bald spot out of sight? Will he wear the budgie smugglers he wore at Judgment Day 2000? Why didn’t HBK follow the Undertaker’s lead and chop off what’s left of his hair? Did I leave the oven on?

So many questions and we’ll get all the answers on Sunday, well apart from the oven but I’ll keep you posted on that one.


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Regardless of what happens in the Cell, there’s a rumour floating around that Shawn Michaels’ involvement in the match will be the catalyst for a titanic clash between HBK and Triple H at Wrestlemania 29.

I doubt very much it’ll happen but it’s an interesting scenario. It takes us back to the bad old days of HHH and Michaels using their power and influence to keep themselves at the top and burying everybody else. I mean imagine it, ‘The Game-uhh’ and ‘The Heartbreak Kid’ using the Streak as a mere set-up for their match a year later. If this were a few years ago they’d go the whole hog and bust in on the Cena – Rock match to further their own feud. Fortunately, that will never happen.

Right?

RIGHT?!?!


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I hope that at this year’s Wrestlemania the Undertaker has another pyro accident like he did back at Elimination Chamber 2010. How ironic would it be if Taker got so badly burned he had to go around wearing a mask?

They could do a vignette where Taker is lying in a hospital bed completely bandaged up from head to toe and in walks Kane carrying his old mask and outfit, before dumping them onto the bed and saying “Think you need these more than me bro”.

That would be the bestest segment ever. And it would give Taker a legitimate excuse to be out for a year until Wrestlemania 29.

It’s all resting on Dave the Pyro Guy now. You know what needs to be done Dave.


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Daniel Bryan Danielson takes on Mighty Whitey Sheamus in a titanic clash that has all the marbles on the line: it’s only for the ruddy World Heavyweight Championship!

The build up to this one has centred more around Bryan’s relationship with AJ Styles – Whaddaya mean there’s another AJ? Gimmick infringement! - than his feud with Shamoose. This leads me to believe that AJ will play some sort of role in the finish.

Will she turn on Daniel Bryan? Could do.

Will she side with Shamoose? Hope not. If you thought it seemed wrong that Bryan was hooking up with a 12 year old looking girl then imagine what it will be like if she ends up boffing Shamoose.

Will she help Daniel Bryan win? I’d like to think so, but only after she gets hit with the Brogue Kick and no sells it.

Will she end the Streak? Sure, why not?

As you can see there are numerous possibilities to the outcome and the signs point to ostensibly the second biggest match on the card (well it is for the World title after all) being decided by jailbait.

This is what the sport of professional wrestling is all about!


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The WWE Intercontinental title will be defended at Wrestlemania 28 by Cody Rhodes against the Big Show. It surely doesn’t need to be said that this match will be a titanic clash. The build-up to this one has centred on Cody’s continued embarrassing of the Big Show, playing clips of Show’s ‘finest’ Wrestlemania moments.

I’ve felt a bit sorry for the Big Show during the course of this feud, having all these humiliating video packages being played must be a bit soul destroying. Wrestling booking 101 dictates that Show will get his revenge at Wrestlemania but with WWE you never know what they’ll do. Show should have just turned the tables on Cody (in the wrong way) by showing Master Rhodes’ most embarrassing moments.

Namely any time he teamed up with Ted Dibiase.


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In the match with the most riding on it, Team Teddy Long takes on Team Johnny Ace in a titanic clash that could alter the very course of history. At stake is the General Managership.....General Managerhood......General Managerity......General Managerousness.......aww forget it, it’s for control of both RAW and Smackdown!

This match could be decent enough if the participants were given sufficient time but I’ve got a feeling that WWE will shave 15 minutes off this one and add it to the Undertaker’s entrance. So they’ll have about 45 seconds to get everything in.

Pretty much everyone on the planet is predicting that Team Johnny will win, but the whole contest will be rendered completely irrelevant anyway when Teddy Long bounds out to make this match A TAG MATCH PLAYA! and spontaneously combusts when he’s told that it ALREADY IS a tag match, and not only that it’s a 12 MAN TAG MATCH!

Once that happens Teddy Long’s peanut head will explode and Team Johnny will be declared the winners by default.


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Randy Orton versus Kane is sure to be a titanic clash that could actually be the ‘sleeper’ match of the night. Original plans called for Orton to face Alberto Del Rio but those plans were shelved when it was discovered that Randy is in fact massively racist.

Hope nobody tells him Kane was born in Spain:

“You were born WHERE?!? I thought you were born in the fiery depths of hell or something? Oh God and to think I actually TOUCHED you! I need a shower”.


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WWE booked the match we’ve all been desperate to see. A match that’s been 3 weeks in the making. That’s right folks, at Wrestlemania 28 Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres take on Kelly Kelly and ‘The Icon, The Showstopper, The Main Event, Mrs. Wrestlemania’ Maria Menounounounounounounos in a titanic clash! Contain yourselves people. I SAID CONTAIN YOURSELVES!

Word is that WWE officials are very high on Maria Menounounounounounounos (how could they not be, given her stellar career in professional wrestling I hear you say) with some of them claiming that she’s better looking than all of the WWE Divas.

I disagree wholeheartedly; she’s not a patch on the biggest Diva in the entire WWE: Chris Jericho.


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On a sidenote, word is that Maria Menounounounounounounos has suffered broken ribs but still plans on participating at Wrestlemania 28. I’m not surprised in the slightest because everybody knows that Menounounounounounounos is tougher than a 2 dollar steak but WWE need to be careful because the last wrestler they sent out to compete with broken ribs was Brock Lesnar and we all know what happened with him.

On the bright side, with all the similarities between them you’ve got a ready made Wrestlemania 29 main event, a titanic clash if ever there was one: ‘The Next Big Thing’ Brock Lesnar versus ‘The Wrestling Machine’ Maria Menounounounounounounos.

I’m going for Menounounounounounounos by stoppage after she lands 852 unanswered punches to Lesnar’s face.


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One match that won’t be taking place at Wrestlemania 28 is the Money in the Bank ladder match, which was scheduled to make its return to the ‘Grandest Stage of ‘Em All’. Apparently Wade Barrett was slated to win this titanic clash and be the recipient of a big push towards a probable feud with CM Punk. Instead of coming up with a Plan B, WWE simply decided to scrap the match entirely and stage it at a later event once Barrett had recovered from injury.

I think this was a dumbass move by the WWE to be honest. They should have had some sort of MITB match at Wrestlemania. If it were up to me I’d have had the Miz in a Money in the Bank ladder match all by himself.

And he’d still lose.


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Ric Flair will become the first person to be awarded two WWE Hall of Fame rings when he’s inducted with his fellow Four Horsemen (well, the Horsemen WWE wanted in the HOF at least) and their manager JJ Dillon. Many feel that this is a record that probably won’t be bettered but I can see Triple H wanting to give it a shot – Terra Ryzin in the 2015 Hall of Fame WILL happen.

In any case, Triple H’s attempts will be in vain because there is only one man who’s a dead cert to beat Flair’s record. I can exclusively reveal that WWE have decided that at next year’s Hall of Fame ceremony they’re going to give Jefferson Impact a Hall of Fame ring for each one of his fingers.

So that’ll be 13 then.


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Edge will become the youngest living entrant into the Hall of Fame when he gets inducted by his brother Christian.....his best friend Christian.....his mild acquaintance Christian.....some guy who just so happened to be walking past called Christian.

I’m calling it right now: Christian will come out and he’ll have been talking for about 30 seconds before he’s ushered away and replaced by Randy Orton.

Admit it, you can TOTALLY see that happening.


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Mike Tyson will be inducted into the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame by Degeneration X. Of all the non-wrestlers who are in the HOF, Tyson deserves to be in it more than most seeing as he was an integral part of the rise of Stone Cold Steve Austin and because he punched the old Shawn Michaels in the jaw (which is Hall of Fame worthy itself).

Mike Tyson has said in the past that the most fun he ever had in a ring was with the WWE, and by all accounts he was / is a massive wrestling fan. This is all well and good, except for the fact that back in 1998 he called Steve Austin ‘Cold Stone’ and referred to Shawn Michaels as “an up and coming hungry tiger”.

PFFT! And you call yourself a wrestling fan Mike Tyson! You haven’t got a clue, you just jumped on the bandwagon. Not like me, I’ve been a fan for years - a true hardcore fan. I remember the glory days of ‘The Immortal’ Paul Hogan, Andre the Big Man, Roddy Roddy Piper, ‘Macho Man’ Randy Steamboat, Bart ‘The Hitman’ Hart, ‘The Man Who Carries A Snake In A Bag’ Tony Roberts, ‘The Naturist’ Ric Frail, Charley Race, Dusty Bin, The Ultimate Wombat. Legends one and all.

Whaddaya got to say for yourself now Mike Tyson?

You’re damn skippy.


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Yokozuna - the former 2 time WWF champion – is another entrant into the Class of 2012. He was billed as being Japanese but was actually Samoan. I know, I can’t believe they lied to us either! Who’da thunk it?!

Doing the honours for Yokozuna will be the Uso brothers. I can’t wait for when they come out to the podium and the crowd starts chanting “One more match!” at them. Jonathan and Jimothy (well what the hell ARE their names then?!) will get a hurt look on their faces and reply “But we still wrestle” before the crowd lets out a collective “Oh...........”

Best Hall of Fame moment EVER.


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Ron Simmons will be inducted by his former partner John Bradshaw Layfield. Simmons is best known for his run in the WWE as Faarooq.......Faarooq......FAAROOQ IS ON FIRE! but his major claim to fame is that back in WCW in 1992 he beat Big Van Vader to become the first ever World Heavyweight Champion who was named Ron.

Or something like that.


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The final inductee into this year’s Hall of Fame is the legendary Mexican wrestler Mil Mascaras. He’ll be inducted by his nephew Sheamus. Hold on a sec......I’ve just received word that Sheamus is not in fact Mil Mascaras’ nephew, Alberto Del Rio is. Easy mistake to make.

Apparently, Mascaras NEVER takes off his mask in public so you just know that WWE will do everything in their power to try and get him to remove his hood. Don’t be surprised to see various tactics employed for this one: everything from a swarm of ants poured onto his head to Triple H trying to set Mascaras’ face on fire with a flamethrower. The coup de grace will be Vince McMahon running onto the stage and wrestling Mil to the ground whilst frantically clawing at the mask:

“TAKE THAT DAMN THING OFF! I’M VINCE McMAHON DAMMIT! I CREATED THE HALL OF FAME QUITE FRANKLY! WHO ARE YOU?! I NEED TO KNOW! DAMMIT GIVE ME THAT MASK! I WANT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM! IN THIS VERY RING! WRRRRRRESTLEMANIAAAAA! YOU’RE FIIIIAAAAURGHED! DAMMIT I’M VINCE McMAHON!”

Vince will finally overpower the Mexican legend and remove the mask to reveal Mil Mascaras’ true identity...............well I don’t want to ruin it for you but here’s a clue:

It’s Mark Henry.......AWW FUDGE!!


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this is hilarious Y2, never fails to amuse me

'"The Immortal" Paul Hogan' closely followed by 'Jonathan and Jimothy (well what the hell ARE their names then?!)' tipped me over the edge. I'm sat here crying with laughter and unable to share the hilarity as I know it will be lost on everyone I know..

Tea just came out of my nose. Cheers for that...

Utter genius, a "titanic" post

In tears reading that, exceptional stuff!

Someone needs to get every single one of these threads and store them somewhere!

Tears seem to be the common response - and "The Man Who Carries a Snake in a Bag" Tony Roberts was my tipping point.

Take a bow ..... Yet again. Awesome stuff

Lolz, the rock texting cena would have been better than some of their promos.

I'd have love to have seen a section of rocky trolling jumping John (of course that's what he would be stored as in rocks address book), before ending with what y2d2 wrote.

What a titantic edition of Random Thoughts

Fantastic mate !!