Random Thoughts.....

The following ‘Random Thoughts’ is brought to you in association with Evan Bourne. Quite literally – he’s typing this up for me as we speak. Got nowt better to do anyway have you Evan? Yeah didn’t think so.

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CM Punk finally got his hands on John Laurinaitis, Go To Sleeping him all the way to the fiery depths of hell. It wasn’t quite as momentous as the night Stone Cold Steve Austin hit Vince McMahon with the Stone Cold Stunner for the first time but it was pretty good nonetheless.

I wish Johnny Ace had come out for his ‘match’ on a skateboard. That would have been friggin’ epic. He could also have been spouting early 90’s phrases with his sidekick, the newly renamed David Cowabunga.

“Party on David!”

“Party on Johnny!”


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Zack Ryder was chokeslammed all the way to the fiery depths of hell – hell being a crash mat – by that evil Big Red Machine Glenn Jacobs (I’m breaking the fourth wall). Ryder apparently suffered a broken back, meaning he’ll return to RAW in like 2 weeks.

I just hope for Ryder’s sake that he hasn’t ruptured anything which might fragment into his spinal column. Because we all know what that leads to.....


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The John Cena / Eve interaction after Zack Ryder had been loaded into the ambulance was TOP F’N NOTCH!

From Eve’s magnificent Lita-esque botching of the “This is all your fault” line to Cena’s constipated face at the end of the segment, it was obvious we were watching two veterans at the height of their powers.

Seemingly Cena’s award-winning performance was meant to be him “embracing the hate”. If that’s what you look like when you embrace the hate then it’s no wonder Kane wears a mask. Maybe that’s the direction they’ll send Cena in. John Cena in a mask would be great.

But only if he had a spinner mask.


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Chris Jericho finally spoke! He said something about the world as we know it ending. I thought at first he was talking about the old WWE restaurant ‘The World’ and thinking he must be a bit behind the times because that shut down ages ago.

I miss ‘The World’. I never went to it but come pay per view night it was always interesting to see which poor sap would be shown at ‘The World’, which was the equivalent in those days of saying “creative has nothing for you”. They’d always interview the guy or gal who was stuck with all the marks and they’d have to pretend to be thrilled to be missing out on a PPV bonus.

Jim Ross: “So Big Show, how is ‘The World’ tonight?”

Big Show: (Through gritted teeth) “Great. Just great”.

Jim Ross: “Alright thanks. Big Show enjoying himself at ‘The World’ there”.

The camera then cuts back to the Big Show in tears, downing a bucket of Jack Daniels before chokeslamming a waitress through a table.

Ah those were the days.


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Triple H will return to RAW the night after the Royal Rumble – not 2 weeks before unfortunately – to evaluate the job that John Laurinaitis is doing as Interim General Manager of RAW. I hope this isn’t going to turn into one of those situations where Triple H fires Johnny Ace, only for Vince McMahon to come out and say Johnny’s not fired, only for Linda McMahon to come out and say he is fired, only for WWE’s latest faction The Board of Directors (like the nWo only better) to come out and say EVERYBODY’S fired.

Actually, thinking about it I hope that’s exactly what happens.

“WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS RUNS WILD ON YOU?!”


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Jerry Lawler needs to be removed from the announce table as soon as possible. Besides being useless, I’m getting fed up with him constantly acting – at least I hope it’s acting - as if things have never happened before in the WWE. His latest one came on Monday during the Miz / R-Truth match when he asked if anyone had ever won the Royal Rumble match from #1. Muppet.

For the record Jerry, 2 people have won the Rumble from the #1 position. One was a murderous lunatic who nearly destroyed the wrestling business and the other was Chris Benoit.


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Daniel Bryan Danielson isn’t happy with the Big Show for knocking over his girlfriend AJ. I love it when WWE take an issue between two guys over the World title and then decide to make it more ‘personal’ by involving friends and/or family.

Can’t wait until Danielson visits the Big Show’s house and attempts to knock over Show’s wife, only to bounce right off her and land smack dab on his ass.


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Randy Orton will make his big comeback from a ruptured disc which fragmented into his spinal column (watch out Mrs. Orton) on Smackdown this week. I’d have thought they’d save his big return from a career ending injury at the Royal Rumble in his hometown of St. Louis, not on the Smackdown before the PPV.

This might be an indication that Orton won’t win the Rumble. They couldn’t very well have him make a triumphant return after being told by doctors that he would never sports entertain again only to not win the Rumble. That would be like Matt Hardy coming back to the WWE after the whole Edge / Lita thing, entering a feud with them and losing it. Or John Cena coming back from injury months ahead of schedule to win the Royal Rumble and not win the WWE title at No Way Out or Wrestlemania 24. Or Brodus Clay being hyped up for months as a monster only to appear as a cross between Rikishi & The Godfather.

Oh.....


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I must admit to being disappointed with Sheamus. Not because of anything he’s doing in the ring or on the microphone – although his lisp does seem to be getting more and more pronounced - it’s because his hair isn’t tall enough. Remember when he debuted? It was like 3 feet tall! Now it’s been trimmed down it just doesn’t look right.

He needs to go back to his old ways, and then beyond. I look forward to the day when 75% of Sheamus’ overall height is taken up by his hair. He could drop people of his barnet whilst Jim Ross goes ballistic: “HOW IN GOD’S NAME DO YOU LEARN TO FALL OFF 20 FOOT HAIR?!?!?!”

Make it so Shamoose!


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It appears as if the WWE Legends version of Big Brother is going ahead after all. Names that have been confirmed so far are ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper, The Iron Sheik, ‘Mean’ Gene Okerlund and Dusty Rhodes. Sergeant Slaughter and ‘Superfly’ Jimmy Snuka have also been rumoured. Great names one and all but for this idea to truly work they need to put Ric Flair, Marty Jannetty, Scott Hall and WORYAH! into the house as well, with a mountain of cocaine and several crates of booze.

With that line-up I think it’s safe to say we could expect carnage. And possibly a couple of deaths.

The ratings would be good though.


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Sting has got to be the worst dressed GM in the history of wrestling – besides Mick Foley of course, but that was part of Foley’s gimmick so it doesn’t really count. From the godawful black & white leather jacket supposedly given to him by James Storm to the woeful striped mime artist top he wore to the ill-fitting red Sting t-shirt he had on this past week on Impact, the ‘Icon’ is in desperate need of some fashion advice.

Where the hell’s Rico when you need him?


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I’m absolutely RIVETTED by this whole AJ Styles / Kazarian / Christopher Daniels angle. I mean who doesn’t love it when a friend / family member / popcorn vendor / random person off the street turns on an unsuspecting wrestler? Can’t wait for the next instalment of ‘Who Wants To Turn on AJ Styles?” I’m going for Curry Man or one of AJ’s kids.

AJ from the WWE I mean.


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I think it’s about time Magnus had the same operation the Rock had back in the day. I mean have you seen the size of his boobs? Even Samoa Joe is looking at him like “Dude. You’ve totally let yourself go, wear a t-shirt”.


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As for Magnus & Joe’s current rivals, how thick is the undefeated (the streak currently stands at 347,981,446-0) Crimson? He turns his back on Magnus at the start of their match to look at the camera and do the whole “RAARGH! I’M A BADASS!” schtick and gets jumped. Then at the end of his match he again turns to the camera to do his “RAARGH! I WON THE MATCH! BECAUSE I’M A BADASS!” thing then gets jumped by Samoa Joe.

They should just turn that into his gimmick from now on. Crimson spends the whole match trying to turn to the camera to do his “RAARGH! I’M A BADASS WHO’S GONNA KICK YOUR ASS SO WATCH YOUR ASS SIR!” bit but keeps getting kicked in the head.

Crimson getting kicked in the head = Ratings + Funny.


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Garrett Bischoff had an interesting training vignette on this week’s Impact, taking the time to show us his rope twirling skills and how he likes to beat up his out of shape friends, mostly with drop toeholds – VICIOUS!!! I liked this segment because it showed lots of things happening at once, reminded everyone of what’s going on. And with every shot they showed a little improvement, but to show it all would have taken too long. That’s called a.....umm.....uhh......training vignette?

As for Garrett’s ‘trainer’, most people are expecting it to be The Incredible Immortal Hulk Terry Sterling Golden Boulder Hogan. But I can exclusively reveal that the person training Garrett Bischoff to take over the world – or at least the Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida – is none other than:

Aww who am I kidding? It’s Hulk Hogan. Or Samuel L. Jackson.


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theundisputedY2D2 wrote:

Seemingly Cena’s award-winning performance was meant to be him “embracing the hate”. If that’s what you look like when you embrace the hate then it’s no wonder Kane wears a mask. Maybe that’s the direction they’ll send Cena in. John Cena in a mask would be great.

Are you suggesting that Juan Cena was a trial run??

No Jefferson Impact?

Cena in a Spinner Mask would be all kinds of Internet imploding win