Glasgow and Edinburgh 21st Century Banter

First topic message reminder :

Something is going on this year

Both Glasgow and Edinburgh are playing quite well!

Is it a dream, am I imagining it, am I going to wake up in a cold sweat and find out that we are really cr*p again?

Someone please reassure me!!

Yea Reid has been decent for us, but it has felt like he hasn't fully settled. Glad to read that Dell is an upgrade and the age definitely helps. The profile of our squad has been too old for too long so it is pleasing that we are addressing that.

Hey folks, with our teams' collective chances of making the quarters effectively nil (it's Tuesday, so I'm in emotional-damage-limitation mode), who on here is coming down to Newcastle for the finals?

I'll be there on Friday and Saturday nights with She Who Must Not Be Named, and I was thinking of organising a pub on Saturday lunchtime for a meetup of like-minded people.

Of course, if you prefer to maintain the shroud of anonymity, don't let me stop you...

Mr Bru - quite tempted by that offer. Will need to discuss with the boss but will check in nearer the time.

You never know, it could be Edinburgh vs Little Brother....

So Glasgow announce that Callum Gibbins has been taken out of the Euro squad, he clearly has been badly injured, it certainly looked it at the time. Matt Smith comes into the squad in his place.

Nothing about Matt Fagerson though, so maybe his was not as bad as it looked, maybe just a bad stinger rather than serious shoulder damage. Lets hope so for Glasgow and Scotland sake.

funnyExiledScot wrote:Mr Bru - quite tempted by that offer. Will need to discuss with the boss but will check in nearer the time.

You never know, it could be Edinburgh vs Little Brother....

If that happens, I predict a scene an awful lot like the fight in Anchorman.

I'll be Spanish Language News: "Buenos dias, b!tches!"

Rugbypass are reporting that Newcastle are going to be losing a number of players. Two of whom are Scottish locks Davidson and Young. Young is apparently on his way to quins with a deal agreed and to be announced shortly. Davidson is apparently on his way back up the road to Glasgow

https://www.rugbypass.com/news/newcastle-falcons-bracing-themselves-for-an-alarming-exodus-of-locks

EWT Spoons wrote:Rugbypass are reporting that Newcastle are going to be losing a number of players.  Two of whom are Scottish locks Davidson and Young.  Young is apparently on his way to quins with a deal agreed and to be announced shortly.  Davidson is apparently on his way back up the road to Glasgow

https://www.rugbypass.com/news/newcastle-falcons-bracing-themselves-for-an-alarming-exodus-of-locks

We would be very happy if Davidson did come back up to Scotstoun. We have let two of our squad locks move on this season and Swinson is not getting any younger and seems to have other interests on the go as well, which could take him away from professional rugby. There is also the long term future of Johny Gray to sort out next year as well. Davidson would go a long way to addressing some of those issues.

Its tough on Newcastle though, to be losing so many players that they have brought on. Their position in the league can't be helping them in their negotiations with their players.

As I'm such a cool dude, I've thrown together this table, to show the various outcomes for Glasgow and Edinburgh of the Monptellier game on the assumption that Toulouse and Ulster both win and Glasgow lose without a bonus point:

Edinburgh	Montpellier	Result
5	2	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
5	1	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
5	0	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
4	2	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
4	1	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
4	0	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
3	3	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow out
3	2	Edinburgh possible home QF, Glasgow away QF
2	5	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
2	4	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
2	3	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow out
2	2	Edinburgh possible home QF, Glasgow away QF
1	5	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
1	4	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
0	5	Either Edinburgh OR Glasgow to have away QF
0	4	Either Edinburgh OR Glasgow to have away QF

So looking at your fancy table Bru, Edinburgh will guarantee qualification with a point? 0 points and we're relying on other results?

RDW_Scotland wrote:So looking at your fancy table Bru, Edinburgh will guarantee qualification with a point? 0 points and we're relying on other results?

That's the shape of it mate. Essentially, with a point (again assuming Glasgow get nada) Edinburgh will be ahead of Glasgow in the second-place rankings and too far ahead of Exeter to be caught.

Can we not get tables showing the permutations if Glasgow get 1,2,3,4, or 5 points??

Pull the finger out Bru!

RDW_Scotland wrote:Can we not get tables showing the permutations if Glasgow get 1,2,3,4, or 5 points??

Pull the finger out Bru!

RDW, tonight is one of my rare evenings to myself, yet because of my severely damaged psyche I'm now going to be spending it writing a special Excel sheet showing all 256 potential outcomes of the Edinburgh v Montpellier and Saracens v Glasgow matches. I imagine it'll even have conditional formatting.

What's worse, when I tell She Who Must Not Be Named what I did with my evening, she'll just make jokes about onanism.

Get some Macros on the go as well - might as well do it properly! #Exceljokes

p.s. just Googled onanism - probably shouldn't have done that at work

IanBru wrote:As I'm such a cool dude, I've thrown together this table, to show the various outcomes for Glasgow and Edinburgh of the Monptellier game on the assumption that Toulouse and Ulster both win and Glasgow lose without a bonus point:

Edinburgh	Montpellier	Result
5	2	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
5	1	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
5	0	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
4	2	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
4	1	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
4	0	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
3	3	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow out
3	2	Edinburgh possible home QF, Glasgow away QF
2	5	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
2	4	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
2	3	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow out
2	2	Edinburgh possible home QF, Glasgow away QF
1	5	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
1	4	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
0	5	Either Edinburgh OR Glasgow to have away QF
0	4	Either Edinburgh OR Glasgow to have away QF

Love the word Bru (commenting here just to keep it all together)

I'm lost again though (easy done)

You've got Edinburgh with a possible home QF with Edinburgh getting 3 and Monty 2 or Edinburgh getting 2 and Monty 2

Given that we're 3 points ahead of Monty at the mo, surely if we get 3 and they get 2 then we'll go 4 points ahead of em so sure we top the group and get the home Q/F?

Or is there some weird and wonderful way of determining who gets a home Q/F if say we get 3 (up to 22 pts) and Munster get 5 (also up to 22) in thier group???

RDW_Scotland wrote:Get some Macros on the go as well - might as well do it properly! #Exceljokes

p.s. just Googled onanism - probably shouldn't have done that at work

That reminds me of the firm I worked at in Glasgow, where I was chatting with a partner in his office, and wanted to show me the networking page for a rival firm. Alas, he accidentally typed in 'kinkedin.com'. I ended up having to confirm to HR that it was all a legitimate mistake, and that we weren't trawling the local listings looking for John Barclay's Chamber of Pain.

IanBru wrote:

RDW_Scotland wrote:Get some Macros on the go as well - might as well do it properly! #Exceljokes

p.s. just Googled onanism - probably shouldn't have done that at work

That reminds me of the firm I worked at in Glasgow, where I was chatting with a partner in his office, and wanted to show me the networking page for a rival firm. Alas, he accidentally typed in 'kinkedin.com'. I ended up having to confirm to HR that it was all a legitimate mistake, and that we weren't trawling the local listings looking for John Barclay's Chamber of Pain.

There really is an actual website for Pen Island these days, some marketing genious right there

How I found this out is another story.....................

................Jimbo told me

tigertattie wrote:You've got Edinburgh with a possible home QF with Edinburgh getting 3 and Monty 2 or Edinburgh getting 2 and Monty 2

Given that we're 3 points ahead of Monty at the mo, surely if we get 3 and they get 2 then we'll go 4 points ahead of em so sure we top the group and get the home Q/F?

Or is there some weird and wonderful way of determining who gets a home Q/F if say we get 3 (up to 22 pts) and Munster get 5 (also up to 22) in thier group???

You've actually nailed it already bud. The reason it's a possible quarter final is that it depends on how Munster do against Exeter. If Edinburgh get 3 points they'll top the group, leaving them on 22 points. If Munster gets a bonus point win, they'll be on 22 points as well, with a better points difference, ranking them 4th of the group winners and giving them a home quarter final. Anything less than that from Munster will result in them ranking 5th behind Edinburgh and the MFLs getting the home quarter final.

Of course, that logic actually applies to Edinburgh getting 2 points as well, so I'll need to update the table.

Quick question: does anyone have any gin?

IanBru wrote:As I'm such a cool dude, I've thrown together this table, to show the various outcomes for Glasgow and Edinburgh of the Monptellier game on the assumption that Toulouse and Ulster both win and Glasgow lose without a bonus point:

Edinburgh	Montpellier	Result
5	2	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
5	1	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
5	0	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
4	2	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
4	1	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
4	0	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow away QF
3	3	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow out
3	2	Edinburgh possible home QF, Glasgow away QF
2	5	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
2	4	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
2	3	Edinburgh home QF, Glasgow out
2	2	Edinburgh possible home QF, Glasgow away QF
1	5	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
1	4	Edinburgh away QF, Glasgow out
0	5	Either Edinburgh OR Glasgow to have away QF
0	4	Either Edinburgh OR Glasgow to have away QF

That's 3 chargeable hours gone for the day.

IanBru wrote:

RDW_Scotland wrote:Get some Macros on the go as well - might as well do it properly! #Exceljokes

p.s. just Googled onanism - probably shouldn't have done that at work

That reminds me of the firm I worked at in Glasgow, where I was chatting with a partner in his office, and wanted to show me the networking page for a rival firm. Alas, he accidentally typed in 'kinkedin.com'. I ended up having to confirm to HR that it was all a legitimate mistake, and that we weren't trawling the local listings looking for John Barclay's Chamber of Pain.

Friend of mine presented a final report on an acquisition to the CEO of a major bank who read the conclusion and asked him in what respect his company's position was unusual.

He looked at what he'd written. An 'a' instead of an 'o'.

My mate wrote:The bank's position is manifestly much stranger than it was last month.

I was feeling a bit down so the Doc suggested I went to see an expert to talk it over.

I legged it as soon as I got there as the sign said the guy was Psycho The r***ist!!!

I used to think I was a dog, but I'm alright noooooooooooooow.

tigertattie wrote:

IanBru wrote:

RDW_Scotland wrote:Get some Macros on the go as well - might as well do it properly! #Exceljokes

p.s. just Googled onanism - probably shouldn't have done that at work

That reminds me of the firm I worked at in Glasgow, where I was chatting with a partner in his office, and wanted to show me the networking page for a rival firm. Alas, he accidentally typed in 'kinkedin.com'. I ended up having to confirm to HR that it was all a legitimate mistake, and that we weren't trawling the local listings looking for John Barclay's Chamber of Pain.

There really is an actual website for Pen Island these days, some marketing genious right there

How I found this out is another story.....................

................Jimbo told me

I think you'll find it was Winkle Crag I was referring to.

Am I being a bit slow tonight, how can you get 3 points?

Draw with 4 tries

It's been a long day.

Off topic, but an important one. If you can name a better biscuit than Fox’s I’ll call you a liar and a charlatan. Best biscuits in Britain I say.

Lies. Chocolate hobnob or the caramel rocky or the tunnoch’s caramel log or the snowball

Basically the fox is wayyyyyyy down the list

A snowball!?!? You’re just having a laugh now.

It may not be a popular opinion but a bourbon or fig biscuit rule all others

carpet baboon wrote:It may not be a popular opinion but a bourbon or fig biscuit rule all others

You're right in one part of this...it's not a popular opinion.

Chocolate hobnob rules them all, TigerTattie with you all the way on that one

jimbopip wrote:

tigertattie wrote:

IanBru wrote:

RDW_Scotland wrote:Get some Macros on the go as well - might as well do it properly! #Exceljokes

p.s. just Googled onanism - probably shouldn't have done that at work

That reminds me of the firm I worked at in Glasgow, where I was chatting with a partner in his office, and wanted to show me the networking page for a rival firm. Alas, he accidentally typed in 'kinkedin.com'. I ended up having to confirm to HR that it was all a legitimate mistake, and that we weren't trawling the local listings looking for John Barclay's Chamber of Pain.

There really is an actual website for Pen Island these days, some marketing genious right there

How I found this out is another story.....................

................Jimbo told me

I think you'll find it was Winkle Crag I was referring to.

Now, I posted this as an oblique reference to Emily Bronte's classic gothic romance and Winkle Crag is where they would escape to. Interesting censorship.

However this caught my eye this morning; Elina Svitolina was questioned by the press after her match in the Aussie Open , not about tennis but about Gael Monfils,

Following her victory, Svitolina was asked on court about French male player Monfils, who was spotted in her box.

Well, you would ask about that if you saw it, wouldn't you?

To be fair, it is news worthy as she must have a really big box to fit a fully grown tennis player in there!

IanBru wrote:

RDW_Scotland wrote:Can we not get tables showing the permutations if Glasgow get 1,2,3,4, or 5 points??

Pull the finger out Bru!

RDW, tonight is one of my rare evenings to myself, yet because of my severely damaged psyche I'm now going to be spending it writing a special Excel sheet showing all 256 potential outcomes of the Edinburgh v Montpellier and Saracens v Glasgow matches. I imagine it'll even have conditional formatting.

What's worse, when I tell She Who Must Not Be Named what I did with my evening, she'll just make jokes about onanism.

I struggled with this one last night, but the sticking point was that you're effectively dealing with two tables - pool winners and runners up - from which teams are added or removed depending on results. That massively complicates things from an Excel point of view!

I'll work out the potential outcomes this lunchtime for what happens if Glasgow beat Saracens without a bonus point, but not by enough to overtake them in the pool.

Now I mean this in as nice a way as possible - have you not got anything better to do??

EWT Spoons wrote:

carpet baboon wrote:It may not be a popular opinion but a bourbon or fig biscuit rule all others

You're right in one part of this...it's not a popular opinion.

Chocolate hobnob rules them all, TigerTattie with you all the way on that one

I like a hobnob, but some of you have clearly never had some alone time with a pack of these bad boys.



You can have a hobnob or two and then go about your business, but you have to have an iron will to have just one Fox's Viennese.

I do wonder if we are all too nice on here.

Over on the pro14 slagging thread (I have no idea what the hell it started off meant to be about) they are calling each other names and accusing each other of being liars and how everything is terrible and it's all X nations fault.

Over here we are discussing the merits of different types of biscuit.

EDIT - Eejit:  I've never had a fox's Viennese, but feel obliged to give them a go.

EWT Spoons wrote:I do wonder if we are all too nice on here.

Over on the pro14 slagging thread (I have no idea what the hell it started off meant to be about) they are calling each other names and accusing each other of being liars and how everything is terrible and it's all X nations fault.

Over here we are discussing the merits of different types of biscuit.

True, but its also clearly Glasgow's fault

TheMildlyFranticLlama wrote:

EWT Spoons wrote:I do wonder if we are all too nice on here.

Over on the pro14 slagging thread (I have no idea what the hell it started off meant to be about) they are calling each other names and accusing each other of being liars and how everything is terrible and it's all X nations fault.

Over here we are discussing the merits of different types of biscuit.

True, but its also clearly Glasgow's fault

Edinburgh biscuits all have meringue in them and come in a pastel coloured tin from Harvey Nics.

Glasgow biscuits look solid and robust but fall apart when faced with a stronger than average brew.

RDW_Scotland wrote:Glasgow biscuits look solid and robust but fall apart when faced with a stronger than average brew.

....

Touché.

After the Scotland -Boks match; Bru , Bazza and myself were back in the Airbnb about midnight finishing the evening off with chat over a pot of tea and a selection of biscuits from the late night Tescos on Leith Walk. We all agreed never to mention how we ended a wild night on the town because you hell-raisers would slaughter us Little did we know we were trendsetters.

IanBru wrote:

IanBru wrote:

RDW_Scotland wrote:Can we not get tables showing the permutations if Glasgow get 1,2,3,4, or 5 points??

Pull the finger out Bru!

RDW, tonight is one of my rare evenings to myself, yet because of my severely damaged psyche I'm now going to be spending it writing a special Excel sheet showing all 256 potential outcomes of the Edinburgh v Montpellier and Saracens v Glasgow matches. I imagine it'll even have conditional formatting.

What's worse, when I tell She Who Must Not Be Named what I did with my evening, she'll just make jokes about onanism.

I struggled with this one last night, but the sticking point was that you're effectively dealing with two tables - pool winners and runners up - from which teams are added or removed depending on results. That massively complicates things from an Excel point of view!

I'll work out the potential outcomes this lunchtime for what happens if Glasgow beat Saracens without a bonus point, but not by enough to overtake them in the pool.

Someone I think has beaten you to this IanBru. I can't share it as it's on twitter and I can't access it but it's full of traffic lights and all manner of permutations.

If anyone's interested it's posted by a lad called Kevin Millar and retweeted by EdinBru Rugby

https://twitter.com/topofthemoonGW/status/1086207248643354624?s=19

That's the one. Cheers RDW. Not sure if that's what was being asked for initially.

You're welcome Glasgow!  

RDW_Scotland wrote:You're welcome Glasgow!  

They’ll still be hiding under their rocks.

tigertattie wrote:

RDW_Scotland wrote:You're welcome Glasgow!  

They’ll still be hiding under their rocks.

Bit harsh!

Hi Edinburgh. Well done. Stay classy.