Pregnant Shark Heading for Britain to Claim Benefits, says UKIP

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-26514827




The Great White Shark being tracked by marine biologists, that is believed to be heading towards UK waters, may be pregnant and a UKIP spokesindividual said today that it is only coming here because of our lax attitude towards providing benefits to foreign scroungers.

A spokesperson for UKIP's immigration policy told journalists that the large marine predator was simply the latest in a long line of immigrants looking to exploit our overly generous benefits system.

He said: “I bet that shark thinks it's going to get a council house and job seekers allowance and a 50 inch plasma telly and if New Labour had their way, it would probably be right.”

“If we had a UKIP government we'd soon close our borders and tell foreigners they won't get any benefits at all if they come to the UK, and I'll tell ya summat, that shark would soon go off somewhere else, you mark my words."

“For too long our country has been a soft touch for the ocean’s apex predators, and it's up to us to do something about it. Vote UKIP, and rest assured that only British born white sharks will get the help they need.”

Many UKIP supporters are now unsure which sharks they are supposed to be against. One UKIP supporter said, “These foreign sharks can be really sneaky. They look just like any other shark in the sea, they’re the same colour as us and they don't dress differently or use unusual accents – which makes it difficult for me to work out which ones I'm supposed to hate, and I have to hate anything that's different to me, or foreign."

"That's what UKIP is really all about.”

Watched a 'rasslin match a few weeks ago where some old guy with a patriotic character blamed immigrants for the polar vortex... Nice to know that this sort of thinking isn't limited to TV characters, and drunken old men

If it's anything like the shark in Jaws the revenge.........

Not to worry.........The public will be able to swim faster than the wretched thing.

Doubtful the shark is pregnant...it will be full of airline passengers

DAVE667 wrote:Doubtful the shark is pregnant...it will be full of airline passengers

very distasteful

Bloody immigrants, they come over here....wait...this one is white you say? Well that's all good then, I welcome them with open arms!*

*Notice to the politically correct amongst you - this is a joke and should be taken as such.

Champagne_Socialist wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:Doubtful the shark is pregnant...it will be full of airline passengers

very distasteful

Depends on whether or not it likes Oriental food....

Yes, again, in poor taste but I saw the opportunity and went for it.

Dave is one of those people so chronically unfunny, it's actually funny. God Love you Davey

Steady on, kingraf, Elizabeth Short accused Dave of being chronically unfunny back in '47.

I was also ridiculed by a pilot a couple of weeks back...

...as I said before, I saw it and went for it

DAVE667...the apex predator of 606v2! He sees it...he goes for it!


In fairness to the OP, that story would probably be believed by your average Sunday Sport reader...

Imagine If the shark came into the waters around Blackpool.........Be claiming sickness benefit instead of jobseekers in no time !!.........