Dealing with depression

Evening all,

Ok from the top. I've been coming on here for a while now and as I am hiding behind an alias think it is easier to get things off my chest here than elsewhere.

I've been suffering from depression most of my life but only identified it a few years back. It's a really difficult thing to make sense of at times. Sometimes most of my life is going fairly well but I can still feel depressed. It's hard to understand why I feel like it and have often felt guilty for feeling this way i.e. 'there are people worse off etc etc'. But in recent times I've learnt that thats not the point. If something is a problem for me then it is a problem. I shouldn't just be comparing with others and think 'well they have things much worse so I'm just being a dick for getting down'.

At times I've felt as low as I can. I don't sleep much and thats when you get things completely out of perspective and have panic attacks and such. Sometimes you can feel that the whole world is against you. It's led to me having problems at work, I've lost two girlfriends as a result of it, drifted from some friends and more. I'm on anti depressant for the second time, but they don't seem to be helping as much as previously.

Last year my mother took bad and needed resucitating 5 times and eventually was fit with a pacemaker. Mentally she has never completely recovered and get wound up very easily. This has led to a major strain on myself and my father (my brother too but he lives a little further away and has his own partner and kids so does get some relief at times). I hide my problems from my parents as it would make things worse for them and they would worry. I told my brother recently but it went exactly as I thought. He blamed himself from when we were kids even though he's always been a great brother. Then just thinks I need to pull myself together. He doesn't really get it that it's nothing anyone has done just a chemical imbalance in my head. My ex is his partners sister so that doesn't help. She has met someone else but still gets in touch every now and again and gets quite flirty. I just want my friend back. We broke up due to the families problems with us.

Most of the people I have told this about have eventually let me down, generally my fault. But it just stops me from trusting people in the future as I know they wont always be there when I need them. Sounding needy now!! I really don't think I am most of the time!

Anyways there is a lot more and I realise this is fairly rambled so that is all for now.

thanks for your time.

Hello Spencer. Please check your inbox at the top of this page. Thank you.

Spencer

My wife would entirely recognise the feelings you describe, as she similarly suffers with clinical depression. In her case she also suffers from a phobia of medical treatments, and so her 'down' moods are often triggered by health issues, either her own or of others within her family.

You are entirely correct to make the point that 'depression' is not just a case of feeling a bit in the dumps and something where you can just 'pull yourself together', but is related to a biochemical imbalance in your brain. Since this is a sports board, just consider how the liked of John Kirwan, Marcus Trescothick and Mark Bosnich have had to deal with clinical depression, and at the extreme case how the German goalkeeper was unable to do so. I am led to believe that Trescothick's book is excellent at describing the condition and some steps that can be taken to alleviate the worst of the symptoms of the condition.

The only general advice I can give, and I know it is difficult for my wife to act on this, is to not spend too much time getting into a vicious circle in your own head, especially when you think your mood is going to a low point. Try to keep active, even if it's just going out for a coffee or beer with friends.

Good luck - hope you can get on top of this.

Spencer, good man for being so open. I have never experienced it myself so have no idea on how to relate to how you are feeling and what you are going through.

It must be very difficult for you but i hope that there is someway you can fight this. If you ever need a chat just drop me a PM

I have a friend going through the same thing Spence and as you say it is not merely a case of "chin up". In the beginning a lot of other friends kind of abandoned him merely due to his reluctance to go out or them not knowing about the situation. I would suggest being open with all of your closest friends, if you haven't already, as I think once people know the gravity of a situation you'd be surprised at how well they respond. Definitely keeping active as dummy suggests.

It's almost impossible for anyone, such as myself, who hasn't suffered from clinical depression to grasp what it feels like and the effect it can have.
But the understading of it in the medical profession and available treatments are much better than they were in the past.

I wish you all the best and I would only say, don't be afraid to ask for help - from friends, family, anyone. Most people would be glad to help, it's just that often they don't know how.

Thanks for the kind words and your time everyone. I have in the past kept active. I normally do a lot of running and football but not too much this year. One of the best tonics for me is spending time with my nephews. they are great fun and it's probably why my brother struggles to understand my issues as when I am with them my problems are put to one side.

I've tried councilling and it has helped me at times but it has tended to be student councillors at work hence there is a pretty quick turnover. Just when I am making progress I have to go through all the same things again with someone new. I'm fairly stubborn so at times I feel it's down to me to deal with it. which is obviously not without it's own problems!

I believe it is something that I will always have it's just now I have more of an understanding of how to deal with it. But as the old saying goes 'every day is a school day'!!

Another mail for you Spence

Hi all quick update for anyone that's bothered. Lots of ups and downs over last couple of months. Work has been ridiculously busy due to it being budget season which has led to my stress levels going through the roof. As a result I have had some very difficult times but despite feeling like I have gone mad at times I'd like to think I've done a bloody good job and met all of my deadlines. Work is a major influence in my troubles and I don't really like it there due to a few backstabbers and lazy people. However I don't feel I can leave til I deserve to. I let myself down in an interview but think it's because I really didn't feel that I deserved to leave.
The ex has also been more of a head wreck. Getting in touch texting for hours then disappearing out of the blue.
On the plus side I've been keeping a healthy type of busy in my free time. Olympics, Edinburgh festival, a wedding, segway racing etc.
So very much a roller coaster of ups and downs. Today's not so bad. Some days however are big battles just to survive.
Cheers guys

I think that's the thing mate, sometimes all you really can do is take it one day at a time.

I've been through it myself a couple of times, it's always tough learning how to manage it, and find which coping techniques work for you, but it's great that you've been keeping yourself busy.

You ever need a chat or anything, just drop me a PM

Cheers mate. Much appreciated. :-)

Had a cracking guy at work called Adrian...One of the most charismatic people I've ever met..... Beautiful Wife...nice house.... One night while his partner was at her Mother's went and hung himself on the stairs. Went to the funeral...His parents were completely devastated !!......so were a lot of his colleagues..

It's a cliche but he was the last guy you'd expect would have suffered from depression..

People hide depression in different ways. Like alcoholism it's an illness. A silent killer !! and like alcoholism the majority of people don't understand the illness...."oh just stop drinking then !!" or "Oh cheer up".....

Like alcohol there is very little anyone can do to help....The answers have to come from within.....

Good luck in finding them........

One of the best posts you've done there Truss.

DO NOT TELL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS/BUDDIES to just cheer up if it's depression, it makes it 10 times worse and really makes you question why you can't effin cheer up turning it into a mad cycle.

Truss you've smacked the nail on the head. I've been suffering with depression for 12 months now, and if I have to hear "oh get a grip" or "snap out of it" again I'll kick the person in the shin.

Derbymanc wrote:One of the best posts you've done there Truss.

DO NOT TELL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS/BUDDIES to just cheer up if it's depression, it makes it 10 times worse and really makes you question why you can't effin cheer up turning it into a mad cycle.

Our society thinks like this because we have time we have a future we can realistically plan for but what of others who occupy the same earth but who's reality is total 360 spin on ours. Those who are living a lot closer to death's door then us. People brought up in severe poverty, people living in under cruel oppression, or people existing inside the perils of war.

Sometimes to cure our inward demons it helps to look outwardly at the circumstance of others. Not saying we should feel relieved by seeing their plight but we might be able to look at our own lives and realise what is most important.

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:

Derbymanc wrote:One of the best posts you've done there Truss.

DO NOT TELL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS/BUDDIES to just cheer up if it's depression, it makes it 10 times worse and really makes you question why you can't effin cheer up turning it into a mad cycle.

Our society thinks like this because we have time we have a future we can realistically plan for but what of others who occupy the same earth but who's reality is total 360 spin on ours. Those who are living a lot closer to death's door then us. People brought up in severe poverty, people living in under cruel oppression, or people existing inside the perils of war.

Sometimes to cure our inward demons it helps to look outwardly at the circumstance of others. Not saying we should feel relieved by seeing their plight but we might be able to look at our own lives and realise what is most important.

Like I said people don't understand depression..

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:

Derbymanc wrote:One of the best posts you've done there Truss.

DO NOT TELL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS/BUDDIES to just cheer up if it's depression, it makes it 10 times worse and really makes you question why you can't effin cheer up turning it into a mad cycle.

Our society thinks like this because we have time we have a future we can realistically plan for but what of others who occupy the same earth but who's reality is total 360 spin on ours. Those who are living a lot closer to death's door then us. People brought up in severe poverty, people living in under cruel oppression, or people existing inside the perils of war.

Sometimes to cure our inward demons it helps to look outwardly at the circumstance of others. Not saying we should feel relieved by seeing their plight but we might be able to look at our own lives and realise what is most important.

When your in the grip of depression, looking outward makes no difference at all (well it doesn't too me.) Your stuck in a big black hole of hell and having someone say 'it could be worse, you could have been brought up in Nigeria' does not make me think oh righty time to smile. It makes me want to grab said person and throw them far away.

He probably thinks all alcoholics are blue collar types...

I got depressed the other day when my Wife said she was leaving me.......Especially when she changed her mind !!

So let's get this right.............Someone is depressed so by pointing out there are innocent children starving to death in another Country you think you're going to cheer them up !!

Depression is an illness ONETWO..........Just like addiction....

It's above your paygrade to understand that basic fact....my friend..

Unfortunately there are many people like you !!

Rather than look at others in a worse position to make you feel better, try to 'appreciate' the nice things around you. An old couple holding hands, a baby smiling in the shopping trolley, or if you'relike me all the flowers or trees coming in to bloom. That's what my fit shrink says anyway.

Sorry OneTwo, you've got no idea what your talking about and whilst your trying to pretty it up your basically trying to tell people to 'cheer up' and it doesn't work at all. (As i've mentioned it actually can and does make things worse)

@Sean
Doesn't help either (with me,) I get the sentiment though but I end up feeling a lot worse and wondering why I get like I do sometimes.

People can be depressed and not no why........

You can be the most outgoing person in the world and without any notable kind of trigger become an agoraphobic.....

It's the mind playing games.........

My sister knew she was hurting her family everytime she drunk.......But she couldn't stop drinking and died......

It's hard to explain mental illness to those unaffected or who haven't studied the problem...

Frak you, you arrogant Tinkywinky

You know nothing about depression, mental illness or how to be a decent human being in general.

Go and educate yourself on the cause and effect of the disease before coming onto a forum and spouting your cowpat at people that actually have to deal with it.

The only thanks I get is that I don't have to deal with you and your sanctimonius Poopie in real life.

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:

Derbymanc wrote:Sorry OneTwo, you've got no idea what your talking about and whilst your trying to pretty it up your basically trying to tell people to 'cheer up' and it doesn't work at all. (As i've mentioned it actually can and does make things worse)

@Sean
Doesn't help either (with me,) I get the sentiment though but I end up feeling a lot worse and wondering why I get like I do sometimes.

No need to wonder you have just explained it.

You are selfish.

Sit back and think the 300 hundred or so people who perished between Libya and Italy and drowned fleeing a WAR ZONE!

Now look at your life what is most important to you. If you had to flee your home, life, friends who would you take with you. Be greatful and rise above what you think is crippling you.

And give thanks a thankful person is more precious then an unthankful one.

Sorry, but this post is stupid.
You think its that easy for someone who suffers from depression to just get over it.

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:

TRUSSMAN66 wrote:People can be depressed and not no why........

You can be the most outgoing person in the world and without any notable kind of trigger become an agoraphobic.....

It's the mind playing games.........

My sister knew she was hurting her family everytime she drunk.......But she couldn't stop drinking and died......

It's hard to explain mental illness to those unaffected or who haven't studied the problem...

My history is different to others. The further back you go in the history of my people the poorer, the more despised and rejected you get until you reach a point where you are not even human anymore. Depression runs through my blood. We have coped with it in our own way. Maybe my approach to it is opposite of your own but we tend not to dwell on such things but we maintain hope for a better day.

You strike as a person who does not understand

we all see life differently I guess.

Rich people get depression...Poor people get depression.....outgoing people...introverted people......fat people...thin people....gay people...straight people....

It's nothing to do with having problems.............It's an illness..............Geez...

WTF, you haven't got a clue OneTwo.

Think ONETWO is on the wind up......

Not the most tasteful wind up ...

One two I'm going to ask you to stop posting on a subject you know nothing about before I ban you. Depression isn't something you can just get over and you are purely posting in here as a wind up.

It's not a crisis you idiot. It doesn't just disappear

One two, please take this as your last warning.

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:

hampo171 wrote:One two I'm going to ask you to stop posting on a subject you know nothing about before I ban you. Depression isn't something you can just get over and you are purely posting in here as a wind up.

This is nonsense

No wind up just looking at the question in another way. If people disagree then fine. Nobody knows what we go through or have gone through. I don't know what you have been through you don't know what I have been through but we look at this differently thats all. No need to resort to insults like dearby ban him.

You don't know what they are going through..........

Stop patronising people.............This debate is above your paygrade..

There is looking at something at differently and then there's using a tone in your posts to talk down to other posters like you are. For example, there are days I can't bring myself to get out of bed, I genuinely believe that getting up on those days will just cause me more issues that I really don't need. The way you're speaking it's as if I can just click my fingers and those feelings will be gone. Utterly clueless.

Everyone has a crisis in life at some point. It could be a period where you are unsure what to do or where to go it could be a crisis in faith but you and you alone can elevate above it.

That there says you don't know what your on about OneTwo, depression is not a crisis, it is not a small period that goes away never to be seen again. It crops up now and again for NO reason (but obviously can be made worse by others).

If your serious about wanting to talk about it then send me a PM with what your actually on about and i'll happilly take some time out of my day to educate you on how I deal with it all.

hampo171 wrote:There is looking at something at differently and then there's using a tone in your posts to talk down to other posters like you are. For example, there are days I can't bring myself to get out of bed, I genuinely believe that getting up on those days will just cause me more issues that I really don't need. The way you're speaking it's as if I can just click my fingers and those feelings will be gone. Utterly clueless.

I'm afraid ONETWO's view is more common than you think....

Remember watching a Labour MP in the House of commons talking about alcoholism........."My Father was out of work for a while but he didn't become an alcoholic he got on with it".........

I remember thinking you useless, ignorant a**ehole...

My ex-wife took the same attitude Truss, hence the ex part.

Screw last warning, you're gone and anyone with a problem with that can take it up with me

It's why it's important sometimes to try and educate people on it.

Depression is too often seen as being 'sad' or having a bit of a crisis.

If you hadn't guessed it gets on my wick just a tad

Ironically, I came on this thread whilst sitting in the doctors waiting to change my pills. I'm usually a fairly relaxed guy about posting stuff and I have absolutely no problem with religious people, but the tone and content of OneTwo's nonsense isn't needed and he couldn't just let it be.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:Screw last warning, you're gone and anyone with a problem with that can take it up with me

I salute you, sir.

What about taking anti depressants to help the depression? I have next to no knowledge about this matter as it has never happened to me or to anyone I care about.

Can only speak for me but anti depressants level me out for a little bit, if i'm going through a bad patch then they don't seem to make any difference.

Derbymanc wrote:Can only speak for me but anti depressants level me out for a little bit, if i'm going through a bad patch then they don't seem to make any difference.

I've known people get hooked on anti depressants.......It's a fine balance...

I found CBT, plus antidepressants, was helpful. And a very supportive family.

The anti depressants help me, CBT is the next step

Just finished CBT, found it useful but I was lying about the drink towards the end. Binned the happy pills because I couldn't stay awake.

CBT helped get my thoughts in order, found a load of different reasons on why I was making it worse for myself and helped me see that I was using alcohol as a major medication.
Managed to change up quite a few things and see a way forward which helped a hell of a lot.

Feel like the only one on here who's not had a stress problem..

Knew it was common but I've been shocked how many on here have suffered.

My Missus tried all sorts of things - anti-depressants, counselling, hypnotherapy and CBT.

The pills have some benefit on a day to day level, although on occasion haven't been sufficient to lift the blackest periods.

Conventional counselling had little real beneficial effect for her.

Hypnotherapy was a waste of time and money, as she was too resistant to get into the necessary hypnotic state (in part because one of the issues she has is about loss of control, so she resisted the hypnosis).

CBT was reasonably successful, and certainly has had a significant beneficial effect on her phobia / anxiety (which is linked to the depression).

TRUSSMAN66 wrote:Feel like the only one on here who's not had a stress problem..

Knew it was common but I've been shocked how many on here have suffered.

Me too. Had occasions where I've felt a bit down but never ever considered myself depressed.

Like most topics on here, I've nothing of value to add, but to those who do have issues with depression, you have my respect and support ( as worthless as those things may be). Keep fighting fellas!!!!

ONETWO has been kicked off and I'm still here...

Fancy that ??