The Friday Funnies - Botches and Bloopers

Okay it's been a walking on egg shells at times on the boxing boards this week, but we've somehow got to the end of the week without having to ban anyone!
That in itself warrants a

Now hopefully to end the week on a good note, for different parties to end up walking off into the Friday sunset holding hands and laughing over Pacquaio/Mayweather anecdotes from yesteryear I want you all to put forward the moments when boxing has seen the funny side itself.
From botches to bloopers.
From quotes to putdowns.
What over the years has raised a chuckle for you?

Here's a few to start:

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost. "

Frank Bruno on his win against Oliver McCall

"When we started, it was based on lies. It's changing now. There are no secrets in the business. You've got to come with the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It's becoming very confusing."

Don King, on boxing's rating system

"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right"

Marlon Starling

"Joe Frazier is so ugly, he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife."

Muhammad Ali

And some vids:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJHlsYgYKP8&feature=related

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouZPYpIR2j4 Please excuse the music!

So what do you guys have?

Gerry Cooney can't fight to keep warm.
Irving Rudd

Hector Camacho's great-dream is to die in his own arms.
Irving Rudd

Herol Graham has turned defensive boxing into a poetic art. Trouble is, nobody ever got knocked out by a poem.
Eddie Shaw

I was once knocked out by a Mexican bantamweight - six of my pals were swinging him around by his heels at the time.
Randall Tex' Cobb

I'd love to fight Gerry Cooney. But I have my price - 25 cents and a loose woman.
Randall Tex'Cobb

If a boxer ever went as crazy as Nijinsky all the wowsers in the world would be screaming 'punch drunk!' Well, who hit Nijinsky? And why isn't there a campaign against ballet? It gives girls thick legs.
A. J. Liebling - The Sweet Science

Me and Jake LaMotta grew up in the same neighbourhood. You wanna know how popular Jake was? When we played hide and seek, nobody ever looked for LaMotta.
Rocky Graziano

My girlfriend boos when we make love because she knows it turns me on.
Hector Camacho

My God, kids today think that the laces are for tying up the gloves.
Fritzie Zivic

On being asked, by a female reporter, if he watched his opponent's eyes or gloves- His gloves, dear. I've never been hit by an eye in my life.
Terry Dowries

On choosing a referee for his fight against Floyd Patterson - It don't matter as long as he can count up to ten.
Sonny Liston

On her husband Ron's defeat by Joe Frazier- I'm a realist. You don't enter a Volkswagen at Indy unless you know a helluva shortcut.
Dariene Stander

On Joe Frazier's attempt to sing The Star Spangled Banner in tune- I've made the national anthem a six-point underdog.
Jimmy The Greek' Snyder


Some more from Tex Cobb :

“It’s one thing to call me white and slow. But to call me a fat, cowardly, cocaine-snorting, fight fixing cheat? Who are they calling fat?”

“I only had two fights as an amateur and lost both of them. Heck, I figure I didn’t have much of a future there. So I turned pro.”

“Hollywood’s a great place to vacation, but I wouldn’t want to live there. The people don’t have a concept of reality. Their reality is how good they pretend. "

“I love acting. It’s easy for me. All you do is look in the camera, smile, and lie with charm. I learned how to do that watching Don King promote fights.”

“Don King is one of the great humanitarians of our time. He has risen above that great term prejudice. He has screwed everybody he has ever been around. Hog, dog or frog, it don’t matter to Don. If you got a quarter, he wants the first twenty-six cents.”

“Don King is like everybody else in boxing. He’s a liar, a thief, a murderer and a racketeer. And a con man. But there ain’t anybody as bad as Bob Arum. That New York City Jew lawyer will make you hate city folks, Jews, and lawyers in the same day.”

“I find it a drag being sensitive twelve hours a day. I’ve got thirty minutes of sensitivity in me in the morning, thirty minutes in the evening and that’s it. I’m more at home kicking butt.”

“All I want to do is hit somebody in the mouth. It’s a whole lot easier than working for a living.”

“People always ask if success is going to change me, and I tell them I sure hope so.”

“I figure I’ve been hit in the head with everything ‘cept a ‘54 Pontiac.”

When asked before the fight if he was afraid of Larry Holmes, Tex replied, “What the hell is this guy going to do to me? Hit me? You think I got all this scar tissue running into parked cars?”

Tex explained away the loss to Holmes. " When I got up I stuck to my plan - stumbling forward and getting hit in the face.”

Cobb was delighted that the brutality of the Holmes fight had driven Howard Cosell from the fight game for good. Cobb said it was “My gift to boxing.”

but we've somehow got to the end of the week without having to ban anyone!


To paraphrase Jack Palance in "City Slickers"...'The week ain't over yet!'

Can't really top any of Windy's but I remember an interview with La Motta a few years ago when he recalled his youthful days as a bit of a villain.

"We were always intelligent and stole things in alphabetical order...like a bike, a car, a coat....."

HumanWindmill wrote:On choosing a referee for his fight against Floyd Patterson - It don't matter as long as he can count up to ten. Sonny Liston

He's just copying David Haye

Can someone post Robbie Peden knocking out Nate Campbell?

"Me and Jake LaMotta grew up in the same neighbourhood. You wanna know how popular Jake was? When we played hide and seek, nobody ever looked for LaMotta.
Rocky Graziano"

Like that one Windy!!

Have some Don King quotes chaps.

He worked for the day when all people would be clothed in dignity.
Don King

I'm a promoter of the people for the people and by the people and my magic lies in my people ties. I'm a promoter of America. I'm American people. You know what I mean? So therefore, uh, do not send for who the bell tolls 'cause the bell tolls for thee.
Don King

If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump his behind every time he hopped.
Don King

If you cast your bread upon the water and you have faith, you'll get back cash. If you don't have faith, you'll get soggy bread.
Don King

It ain't about if he knocks a guy out. It's about how he knocks a guy out. It's the style, the improvisation.
Don King

Martin Luther King took us to the mountain top: I want to take us to the bank.
Don King

Mike Tyson has been given every penny he has coming.
Don King

You go for the quality of the performance, not the longevity of it.
Don King

Sir. badgerhands wrote:"Me and Jake LaMotta grew up in the same neighbourhood. You wanna know how popular Jake was? When we played hide and seek, nobody ever looked for LaMotta.
Rocky Graziano"

Like that one Windy!!

Funny guy was Graziano wasn't he, badger ?

This one of yours had me laughing :

" Martin Luther King took us to the mountain top: I want to take us to the bank. "
Don King

Funny AND true. Great stuff.

Interviewer to Frank Bruno - Frank who is your biggest inspiration outside of boxing

Bruno - Erm probably Joe Louis

"I don't mind the fight going out at three in the morning. Everyone in Glasgow fights at three in the morning anyway"

Jim Watt (from memory)

"I'm always into promoting a positive black image. Whenever Leon Spinks fights I always pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let them interview Leon on TV."

Can't remember!

"Mr Cooper, have you looked in the mirror lately and seen the state of your nose?"
"Henry Cooper: Well, madam, have you looked in the mirror and seen the state of your nose? Boxing is my excuse. What's yours?"

Scottrf wrote:

HumanWindmill wrote:On choosing a referee for his fight against Floyd Patterson - It don't matter as long as he can count up to ten. Sonny Liston

He's just copying David Haye

Can someone post Robbie Peden knocking out Nate Campbell?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5nPIeDqelI

I'll go in there knock him out then get into his car, drive to his house and make love to his wife..

Duran before he fought Pazienza.

Did you have a fight with Duran a few months ago TRUSS?

I rolled him like a drunk..

"I broke my back, my back is broken"
Tyson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw47gXsDwjw

Eddie Murphy talking about Joe Louis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWvDao-MpOk&feature=related