Quade Cooper

One of the lovely things I rediscovered listening to TMS on my couch in Sydney during the recent England India test series was how much outside of the actual recognised ‘action’ there is to enjoy. ‘Boycott Bingo’ being one of them.

There’s the usual suspects like ‘uncovered pitches’, ‘in my day’, ‘a stick of rhubarb’, and ‘move your feet’ but ticking all four in the same sentence was an unexpected joy. Then again Boyc’s sentences are generally a lot longer than most peoples so the odds are always higher.

But I’ve discovered a new one – ‘Quade’s Cop Outs’.

Rules are a little different. This time there are four categories of Quade’s special approach to, err, tackling and you take a punt pre game on how many of each he will perform in his time on the pitch. Guess correctly in any category, give yourself ten points; within 1 to 3 five points and 3 to 6 one point (note: this will never happen because even Quade can’t pretend this much). The categories:

Tackle One

Run alongside opponent making cursory contact until teammate does the decent thing and tackles him.

Tackle Two

Let teammate tackle your bloke and then once safe, dive on the two of them.

Tackle Three

Arrive at ruck or maul and give the smallest bloke you can find who’s not involved and not looking, a hug.

Tackle Four

Arrive at ruck, give someone lying face down a ‘told you so push’ and run away.

Anything outside of this, such as a proper tackle, is considered a complete accident and null and void.

Lord help me should Cipriani and Cooper ever play in the same game.

I’m still working up the rules for ‘Wrong Side Richie”.

What about the very rare and seldom seen Tackle 5 whereby he actually puts his body on the line and gets trampled (would not be considered null and void because a proper tackle is not made), surely worth 20pts.

Unfortunately the flaw is in your description. Quade never ‘puts his body on the line’.

What you have described is the coming together of a mistake and a reflex action – Quade mistakenly puts himself in line for a tackle and at the instant he realises the mistake at point of contact, a survival instinct kicks in and he involuntarily holds on. A lot of people make the mistake of identifying this as a tackle – almost always Fox Sport commentators.

Flawless reasoning.

What about the completely plausible scenario whereby a fellow teammate (I'm thinking an Elsom type) throws Cooper into an attacking player who is then still trampled.

That would be ruled a forward pass

NewTraditionalHaka wrote:That would be ruled a forward pass

Soundslike a description of most fly halves before Johnnie Wilkinson.and it made him a walking sick note for years.

McCaw one is easy.

1. He runs at an angle either behind or next to the ball carrier protecting him form defenders.

2. Standing at the gate, drives forward but fall sideways over the mouth of the opponents ruck.

3. Playing the ball on the ground

4. Saying sorry sir, yes Sir to the referee

5. Blocking opposing players off the ball at the ruck.

emack2

and one of the greatest players ever to play the game.

Trouble is he does all that before the ruck's even formed eh Biltong

tackle five
Rips the ball off the opposition, does a overhead bicycle style punt back to Kurtley Beale who runs the length of the pitch to score.

... with a swan dive fingers pointing in the air...

LOL!

disneychilly wrote:Trouble is he does all that before the ruck's even formed eh Biltong

Well if we want to be honest most of the game

Sorry Biltong you are describing typical Bok backrow play at the Breakdown
Take a look at last weeks match.