The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

by kingraf Tue 16 Sep 2014, 1:47 pm

Headed to the dam this weekend. God I've missed it. Girlfriend's never been and I'm undecided on whether to take her or not.

by kingraf Tue 16 Sep 2014, 1:49 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Hull KR is approaching 10,000.....

Quite the landmark, and a frightening indictment on my workmate as I was one thousand posts behind you when you reached 6000.

by Adam D Tue 16 Sep 2014, 1:51 pm

kingraf wrote:Headed to the dam this weekend. God I've missed it. Girlfriend's never been and I'm undecided on whether to take her or not.

Having noted how most of your stories pan out, I am expecting a good retelling of how she ended up face down in the dam, bound and tied, with some distant cousin of yours (teeth optional, hatchet not), standing on the dam wall.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 1:55 pm

KR for the thread split and sean for the last thread byt the looks of it

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 1:56 pm

kingraf wrote:Headed to the dam this weekend. God I've missed it. Girlfriend's never been and I'm undecided on whether to take her or not.

^ This will be the new OP when the thread splits. It will be hopelessly out of context by next Monday. However, I shall chuckle each time I read of the emotional attachment kr has to the dam. Moreso than to his girlfriend it would seem.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 2:06 pm

Mister, we just want your car 'cos we're taking a girl to the reservoir.

by **superflyweight** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 2:28 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Mister, we just want your car 'cos we're taking a girl to the reservoir.

Anyone else read that in a Norfolk accent? Or was it just me?

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 16 Sep 2014, 2:54 pm

Just you then.

by Adam D Tue 16 Sep 2014, 3:02 pm

I read it in a pirate accent.

But I do that with everything anyway.

#3moresleepsyarrr

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 16 Sep 2014, 4:27 pm

Galted wrote:Hi Tino,

Hope you don’t mind me PM’ing you (again! LOL!) but I don’t know where else to turn.

I have been telling lies and it is beginning to get me down. I need to talk to someone. Firstly, I want to talk about Galtova. Basically, she doesn’t exist. I guess you already knew that (what would a real life woman see in a Ray Mears lookalike anyway PMSL!!!!) but the real truth is, she is my mum. I have been living in a bedsit with my mum since dad left us for Winona Ryder. I am not all that sad he left, after all , he has been calling me Sloth since I was born due my grotesquely deformed skull, but I don’t think he really needed to send naked pictures of him with Ryder, Weisz and that hamster (how will he get it out? ROFLMAO!!!!!!) and it has upset me a bit. It upset mum so much she made me drive my little boy train in to the woodland tunnel again. She hasn’t made me do that since I was 27 so she must be suffering.

Secondly, Wingrove doesn’t exist. That is actually William Groves from my St Johns Ambulance crew. I cried when he wouldn’t come back to my bedsit and watch my Ray Mears video collection. He got angry at me and drove me to a cricket club somewhere near the Surrey border. He then forced me in the showers, made me wear a white bikini and take a belfie whilst he urinated on my face. Nasty man.

I hope you can offer some kind words as I really look up to you. Quite literally as I am only 4 and a half foot tall, and figuratively (Jeff will be pleased with me) as you’re such an inspirational man and kind hearted soul.

You know that time on the main forum when I declared I had been thinking of you “in a massively gay way”? Well, I meant every bloody word of it. I don’t even care if you feel the same way, just knowing that you know is enough for me.

I am so glad I have got this off my chest. Now I can get the jizz off my chest that an angry Kiwi colleague of mine jettisoned onto me for not moving a cage of monitors quickly enough.

Love you,
Galts.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 4:45 pm

What's a 'belfie'?

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 16 Sep 2014, 4:47 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:What's a 'belfie'?

It's a selfie of ones bottom, Jules.

As made famous by Kim Kardashian, Rihanna and Galted.

by kingraf Tue 16 Sep 2014, 4:56 pm

Adam D wrote:
kingraf wrote:Headed to the dam this weekend. God I've missed it. Girlfriend's never been and I'm undecided on whether to take her or not.

Having noted how most of your stories pan out, I am expecting a good retelling of how she ended up face down in the dam, bound and tied, with some distant cousin of yours (teeth optional, hatchet not), standing on the dam wall.

Johannesburg is a crazy place, but nothing tops that morning. It was actually quite scary Adam!! If you ever wake up to a man breathing heavily and an axe in the corner of your room, you'll understand it's no laughing matter. I'm not sure if I gave the manly version of the story, where I distracted him and made a beeline for the door, or the reality. Which is simply, that my mother opened the door, and in the ensuing chaos I absolutely blitzed my way through without a second thought for my mother's safety.

Such things dont happen at the dam.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 4:58 pm

So what should I call the pictures I take? Welfie? Delfie? Celfie? Pelfie?

by kingraf Tue 16 Sep 2014, 4:59 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
kingraf wrote:Headed to the dam this weekend. God I've missed it. Girlfriend's never been and I'm undecided on whether to take her or not.

^ This will be the new OP when the thread splits. It will be hopelessly out of context by next Monday. However, I shall chuckle each time I read of the emotional attachment kr has to the dam. Moreso than to his girlfriend it would seem.

I do love the dam. If I could find a decent paying job that had me at the dam all weekend... I'd be all over it. I quite like my girlfriend. It would be close, although I think I'd fall apart if the dam walls gave way

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 5:00 pm

kingraf wrote:
Adam D wrote:
kingraf wrote:Headed to the dam this weekend. God I've missed it. Girlfriend's never been and I'm undecided on whether to take her or not.

Having noted how most of your stories pan out, I am expecting a good retelling of how she ended up face down in the dam, bound and tied, with some distant cousin of yours (teeth optional, hatchet not), standing on the dam wall.

Johannesburg is a crazy place, but nothing tops that morning. It was actually quite scary Adam!! If you ever wake up to a man breathing heavily and an axe in the corner of your room, you'll understand it's no laughing matter. I'm not sure if I gave the manly version of the story, where I distracted him and made a beeline for the door, or the reality. Which is simply, that my mother opened the door, and in the ensuing chaos I absolutely blitzed my way through without a second thought for my mother's safety.

Such things dont happen at the dam.

How do you clean the dam kr? Do you hoover dam? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

by Adam D Tue 16 Sep 2014, 5:00 pm

Hampfie?

by kingraf Tue 16 Sep 2014, 5:09 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
kingraf wrote:
Adam D wrote:
kingraf wrote:Headed to the dam this weekend. God I've missed it. Girlfriend's never been and I'm undecided on whether to take her or not.

Having noted how most of your stories pan out, I am expecting a good retelling of how she ended up face down in the dam, bound and tied, with some distant cousin of yours (teeth optional, hatchet not), standing on the dam wall.

Johannesburg is a crazy place, but nothing tops that morning. It was actually quite scary Adam!! If you ever wake up to a man breathing heavily and an axe in the corner of your room, you'll understand it's no laughing matter. I'm not sure if I gave the manly version of the story, where I distracted him and made a beeline for the door, or the reality. Which is simply, that my mother opened the door, and in the ensuing chaos I absolutely blitzed my way through without a second thought for my mother's safety.

Such things dont happen at the dam.

How do you clean the dam kr? Do you hoover dam? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Bugger off Jules. I don't accept any denigration regarding the dam. Outside of Rachel Mcadams, and possibly my girlfriend... there's nothing more important to me.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 5:17 pm

What about Jean-Claude Van Dam? Frankly my dear I don't give a dam!

by kingraf Tue 16 Sep 2014, 5:49 pm

No marx for creativity... On to positive matters. I've decided I'm taking my girlfriend to the dam. She looks good with little on... and she needs time off, been working too hard. She will come back from the trip to the dam alive as well.

by **Galted** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 6:37 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:Hi Tino,

Hope you don’t mind me PM’ing you (again! LOL!) but I don’t know where else to turn.

I have been telling lies and it is beginning to get me down. I need to talk to someone. Firstly, I want to talk about Galtova. Basically, she doesn’t exist. I guess you already knew that (what would a real life woman see in a Ray Mears lookalike anyway PMSL!!!!) but the real truth is, she is my mum. I have been living in a bedsit with my mum since dad left us for Winona Ryder. I am not all that sad he left, after all , he has been calling me Sloth since I was born due my grotesquely deformed skull, but I don’t think he really needed to send naked pictures of him with Ryder, Weisz and that hamster (how will he get it out? ROFLMAO!!!!!!) and it has upset me a bit. It upset mum so much she made me drive my little boy train in to the woodland tunnel again. She hasn’t made me do that since I was 27 so she must be suffering.

Secondly, Wingrove doesn’t exist. That is actually William Groves from my St Johns Ambulance crew. I cried when he wouldn’t come back to my bedsit and watch my Ray Mears video collection. He got angry at me and drove me to a cricket club somewhere near the Surrey border. He then forced me in the showers, made me wear a white bikini and take a belfie whilst he urinated on my face. Nasty man.

I hope you can offer some kind words as I really look up to you. Quite literally as I am only 4 and a half foot tall, and figuratively (Jeff will be pleased with me) as you’re such an inspirational man and kind hearted soul.

You know that time on the main forum when I declared I had been thinking of you “in a massively gay way”? Well, I meant every bloody word of it. I don’t even care if you feel the same way, just knowing that you know is enough for me.

I am so glad I have got this off my chest. Now I can get the jizz off my chest that an angry Kiwi colleague of mine jettisoned onto me for not moving a cage of monitors quickly enough.

Love you,
Galts.

I once had a job in a factory where I was known as Sloth but it was on account of my unproductive work-rate and not my grotesquely deformed skull.

by Rowley Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:47 pm

Evening Galted. No wonder Sean is weird growing up round here, is like Royston Vasey for rich people. Can understand why he is a borderline sex pest as well. He probably did not see a female who was not a family member until he was 20.

I should have gone to London, I could have gone to the imperial war museum. I love you Galted and will never go against your advice again

by **seanmichaels** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:06 pm

Bog off Rowley. There's loads within 30 mins of where you were. Watership down, Stonehenge, the river test. It is like casting pearl among swine sometimes...

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:16 pm

What sort of test is the river test?

by **Galted** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:45 pm

Rowley wrote:Evening Galted. No wonder Sean is weird growing up round here, is like Royston Vasey for rich people. Can understand why he is a borderline sex pest as well. He probably did not see a female who was not a family member until he was 20.

I should have gone to London, I could have gone to the imperial war museum. I love you Galted and will never go against your advice again

Evening Jeff. Thought of you today when I saw Sheffield on a station information board but then I remembered that you're from Rotherham.

by **Galted** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:57 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mrs Windows wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mrs Windows wrote:Oi, Julesy! Me Tino’s a right c*nt innit?

Yes, a bit.

Eh, Babes! Didcha know ‘e pretends to 'is "mates" I’m from one of ‘em exotic places like Canadia?
Eh?
Didcha?
Didcha Babycakes?
An' 'e finks all the kids is 'is when it's only the ugly ones wot is. I reckon the one you knocked me up wif's gonna nut 'im again one of these days LOLOLOLO PMSL!!!!!!!

Do desist from infesting ones evening you incorrigible harpy.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:24 pm

Leave me out of it Galted.
It's nice to know you made someone laugh, even it was only yourself.

by littleswannygirl Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:38 pm

Galted wrote:
Rowley wrote:Evening Galted. No wonder Sean is weird growing up round here, is like Royston Vasey for rich people. Can understand why he is a borderline sex pest as well. He probably did not see a female who was not a family member until he was 20.

I should have gone to London, I could have gone to the imperial war museum. I love you Galted and will never go against your advice again

Evening Jeff. Thought of you today when I saw Sheffield on a station information board but then I remembered that you're from Rotherham.

Sheffield is the epicentre of The North. Any other claims to that title are preposterous, delusional or merely clutching at purely accidental geographical proximity. Rotherham's not bad, but it did give the world the Chuckle Brothers. Please keep that distinction alive.

by **superflyweight** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 7:20 am

Fist among equals.

Except Galted, he's not equal, his dress sense leaves him comfortable and waterproof, but looking like a d1ckhead.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 8:44 am

What is worse, Galted's Ray Mears look or Windows' John Craven look?

by **Pal Joey** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 8:45 am

Morning superfly,

How's the pulse there at the moment? It's quite a big day approaching although I realise you mightn't have much interest in the outcome.

I hope the Partick Thistle v St Mirren match is not another scoreless draw though... and there is a decisive strike on goal and a clear winner.

G'day sean.
I'll have to think about it. Tough choice there.

by Adam D Wed 17 Sep 2014, 8:46 am

littleswannygirl wrote:
Galted wrote:
Rowley wrote:Evening Galted. No wonder Sean is weird growing up round here, is like Royston Vasey for rich people. Can understand why he is a borderline sex pest as well. He probably did not see a female who was not a family member until he was 20.

I should have gone to London, I could have gone to the imperial war museum. I love you Galted and will never go against your advice again

Evening Jeff. Thought of you today when I saw Sheffield on a station information board but then I remembered that you're from Rotherham.

Sheffield is the epicentre of The North. Any other claims to that title are preposterous, delusional or merely clutching at purely accidental geographical proximity. Rotherham's not bad, but it did give the world the Chuckle Brothers. Please keep that distinction alive.

Wow! A girl in here! Smarten the place up gents. Tidy the throw cushions and put some doilies on the table.

by **superflyweight** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 8:56 am

seanmichaels wrote:What is worse, Galted's Ray Mears look or Windows' John Craven look?

Like asking if you'd rather be stabbed or shot.

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:02 am

Adam D wrote:
littleswannygirl wrote:
Galted wrote:
Rowley wrote:Evening Galted. No wonder Sean is weird growing up round here, is like Royston Vasey for rich people. Can understand why he is a borderline sex pest as well. He probably did not see a female who was not a family member until he was 20.

I should have gone to London, I could have gone to the imperial war museum. I love you Galted and will never go against your advice again

Evening Jeff. Thought of you today when I saw Sheffield on a station information board but then I remembered that you're from Rotherham.

Sheffield is the epicentre of The North. Any other claims to that title are preposterous, delusional or merely clutching at purely accidental geographical proximity. Rotherham's not bad, but it did give the world the Chuckle Brothers. Please keep that distinction alive.

Wow! A girl in here! Smarten the place up gents. Tidy the throw cushions and put some doilies on the table.

A girl? I've gone all tongue-tied. My effortless wit and charm have deserted me. By 'epicentre of The North' does that mean all the sh!t starts there and spreads outwards?

by **superflyweight** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:03 am

The Loaded Dog wrote:Morning superfly,

How's the pulse there at the moment? It's quite a big day approaching although I realise you mightn't have much interest in the outcome.

I hope the Partick Thistle v St Mirren match is not another scoreless draw though... and there is a decisive strike on goal and a clear winner.

G'day sean.
I'll have to think about it. Tough choice there.

Morning LD. Tensions were running high last week, but I'm becoming more laid back about the whole thing as the day draws near. Slightly annoyed that I've not had anyone round the door from the Yes campaign because I was going to go to town on them. Still hoping for some kind of ruckus at the polling station tomorrow morning though (although one not as intense as the time someone demolished the polling station I used to go to in Leith with a golf club).

Anyhoo - I hope Partick stuff the Paisley scum.

by **superflyweight** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:05 am

A girl.

None of you can see me, but I assure you that I've put on my brightest white shirt and have my Marvin Gaye LP lined up and ready to go.

Let's get it on.

by Rowley Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:12 am

She appears to be a girl of the north. Should this assumption be right charm, intelligence and wit are not the way to her heart and will likely be wasted on her. Sean, it's over to you.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:19 am

Not sure whether to be romantic and ask her over for an 8 pack of cider and a couple of bottles of wine, or use the 'i'll just be a few pumps' line?

by **Pal Joey** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:35 am

Swanny (not her real name!) is pretty deadly at picking winners in the tipping comps going on.
Based on that knowledge she would see right through us for what we are - psycho-knockabouts of varying levels of charm, intelligence and witlessness.

Jeff, she's from around the Peak Districts NP area... just west of. Been on here for a while and the old 606 too. We message each other from time to time and chew a bit of fat together. She was one of the first (along with Windy) to offer their condolences when my old man died back in 2011. I'll never forget their kind gestures - meant a lot to me at the time.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:35 am

superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:What is worse, Galted's Ray Mears look or Windows' John Craven look?

Like asking if you'd rather be stabbed or shot.

Dress sense must be tough for you as well?

Not many colours go with ginger hair.

by **Pal Joey** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:37 am

F*ck - just posted beyond a palindrome.

by Rowley Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:40 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:What is worse, Galted's Ray Mears look or Windows' John Craven look?

Like asking if you'd rather be stabbed or shot.

Dress sense must be tough for you as well?

Not many colours go with ginger hair.

In all fairness Rangers shirts covered in buckfast vomit don't go with many hair colours

by **superflyweight** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:41 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:What is worse, Galted's Ray Mears look or Windows' John Craven look?

Like asking if you'd rather be stabbed or shot.

Dress sense must be tough for you as well?

Not many colours go with ginger hair.

Bright white shirts do. The aim is to create a mirror effect.

by **superflyweight** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:43 am

Never worn a Rangers shirt and never been sick on Buckfast.

I have thrown up a dozen can of Caffreys all over a Celtic scarf, so the joke's on you.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:47 am

I had a dinner jacket that came out once or twice a year. Morning of a particular wedding, I put on the dinner jacket only to find it crusted up with a mixture of red wine and canapés.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 17 Sep 2014, 10:21 am

I got completely smashed at my wedding.

Couldn't even consummate the marriage. Think my best man might have done it for me, but I can't remember.

by Adam D Wed 17 Sep 2014, 10:23 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I got completely smashed at my wedding.

Couldn't even consummate the marriage. Think my best man might have done it for me, but I can't remember.

Or perhaps you consummated with the best man, and your wife fell asleep alone?

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 17 Sep 2014, 10:26 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I got completely smashed at my wedding.

Couldn't even consummate the marriage. Think my best man might have done it for me, but I can't remember.

No, it wasn't the best man thumbsup

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 17 Sep 2014, 10:27 am

Adam D wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I got completely smashed at my wedding.

Couldn't even consummate the marriage. Think my best man might have done it for me, but I can't remember.

Or perhaps you consummated with the best man, and your wife fell asleep alone?

Quite possibly.

You and I had the same wedding song, Adam. We are pretty much brothers.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 17 Sep 2014, 10:28 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I got completely smashed at my wedding.

Couldn't even consummate the marriage. Think my best man might have done it for me, but I can't remember.

No, it wasn't the best man

If it had to anyone, Jules, it would be an honour if it was you.

Perhaps that's why my first born smokes a pipe and speaks Latin.

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